my quotes

'life is like a puzzle need one another to make a complete picture that's why this life so perfect'


'knowledge cannot replace friendship, I'd rather be an idiot than lose you'
-Patrick to Spongebob-

Minggu, 10 September 2017

Daily Inspiration Bomb!

14:31 p.m
Indonesian Timezone
GMT +7

Hi! I wondered how beautiful this life is. I want to share some photos again with this blog. I'm not actually sure what it is for. I meant I took several pictures in my yard and yet, although all my flowers died, two of them are still alive.. wkwk..


Check it out ! Pals!

Orchid's Buds

Mangoes (Mangifera Indica). For mangoes were just another story that the fruits grew bigger than usual. Xixi..

George, my new bunny who turned one year old this year. Wow and it is so wow!

Bugs. OMG, I can't stop my heart beat if remember that he is already 5.

Cossette (Cosette). He/She always reminds me how miserable I am. Stay single.

Another flower. I have told you I have two left flowers

I don't know this one, just seemed good plant grows in my yard...

I hope I could name this photo. But instead I thought a good name, I focused on the flag. 

Well.. appreciate life! We never know what ahead of us. Be good!

Rabu, 31 Mei 2017

Grass Lover XDDD (call my name)

I hope I can be grasshopper sometimes. But I always feel itchy next to it.

Dendrobium (orchids)

common parasite (don't call it parachutes)

Moringa oleifera (Kelor leaves)

Dendrobium (Orchids)


Papaya flowers (including flower buds)

Wall of bricks


the other bricks wall

Still log felling on the ground

I just read an ebook this morning, I want to do the same as what the main character did. So I spent my time this morning to take some pictures .. :DDD Well it's not far from forestry and I still don't know what each plant names... XDD

Senin, 17 April 2017

Settled Down. No plan

16 April 2017
17:19 p.m
GMT +7

Hi! This is my first post in 2017. It sounds weird of course why I left you these last months. I think I need to be calm. And first thing first I should be honor my self. You know, I am being so mean to my self these days. Maybe all happens did not match to any of my plan. Everything was going so bad since I did not appreciate my self. I see everyone success and me? You see I am still being unemployment by all I want of this life.

I want to say that, it was so hard when being job seeker. So many torture, voices, pressure came in my free time. I often blame my self just because being so jerk. But yes I cannot change the world just because I always mumble. By so many entries in this blog, this one is the day when I try to break my own wall. I brave to write here is a good thing. Well, as you see I've always been trying to open all opportunities in my life. I want to be rude so rude but the last thing I remember I tried, this would be just a hidden emotion inside and I did not blow it up.

Do you think I enjoy being useless like this? No. I want to tell you that all I can remember I've been staying in my room. Ok, by the all happens what I did like I try to drive again, and now stop, like possibilities I could cook cakes again. I am just remembering how hard to keep my own money when I always waste my money.

One reason why I am still being unemployment and it is hard to me to get a job. I am not sure to my self. Like I feel all my abilities had gone from me. You know I try to remember all languages that I know but sometimes it is hard. Like I know my self is in low level as forester. I did not mean to blame my self who lack of knowledge in forestry. But I know how far I've been going to forestry journey.

I have one reasonable thing why I write on you this time. It would be sound pity if I told you I still struggle on my sickness this time. I still try to be a super hero when I could not help my self. And so on when I was in difficult situation. 

17 April 2017
7:25 a.m
GMT +7

Okay, I am doing my own meditation by writing on you. I don't want to know whether everyone sees me as a good person or not. I don't want to know what everyone thinks of me. Hmmm... just this time I feel I am lost. My condition is not so good this time. I am not physically sick. But I know I see my self reflection in other people. Let's we arrange our happen these last time. I should be grateful that I have successfully passed my degree. I should be feeling happy by my own achievement. As everyone knows, great power comes great responsibility. That's what happen to me. 

I believe that everyone has their own story. They have struggled a lot for their achievements. and I believe that if I am giving up this time, it would be wasting all effort that I've been doing so far. I am not a person who give up on something. There must be a way to prove everyone that I can. I just don't see the way right now.

You know, I am suffer. I am suffer because I fight.

 I post an entry right know because I want to express my disappointment for my life. I am disappointed because I haven't got all I wanted. For the sake of God Father, I have no idea why I thought of this blog yesterday.

I mean to turn off this blog. I don't want everyone sees my self history. Like I had been crazy person, I struggled a lot to be a person. At least to be someone. I see there were many upside and downside of life I just can't control it. 

Last night I watched Beauty and The Beast. According to the story it is impossible to love a person who was not good in appearance. I always see person first time from their appearances. I mean from their looks. I just could not trust to good person who lack of their looks. But why I always surrounded by so many good people who lack of their looks. I just don't believe if look is a matter for this case. Sometimes it is. But I thought to consider a person is not by their looks.

Why I told you that? Haaha.. I love the part when the beast lifted up in death condition and turns to lively handsome prince. It doesn't make sense. I consider person by their look. I read quora which told there were many people who were not handsome a.k.a ugly but success. I see my self once again, like I believe that my position right now is in the beast. I want to tell you a story that it is not everyone loves me as I am. I see my self reflection at least 6 years ago, I fought for my weigh. There were 70 kilograms shadow of my body. But there was no one who keep off the curse, I turned to be slim person but fool. I said fool because until right now I don't see my self success. I just see myself admiring people who success, and they ignore me. Don't you laugh at my story?


Appearance is not a best thing in this time. As long as people have money, they will be handsome at a time. Bella was a good girl who sees person is not by their appearance. But who am I? I am not Bella. I told to people, so many people, I tried to convince them that I have never ever had a relationship. They just don't believe. Hmmm.. I don't actually know what they thought of. How could Bella believe of her heart? I don't know. You see meme comic told me that people would not see your appearance as long as you have a castle. I see my self reflection in Bella. I am a woman whether I don't know what Bella's ages. I consider for the age also. Well... I told you a terrific story, that many men in my life had now been married to other women. By that fact of life, I could not see my self as successful person again. Hhahahahahahah... I just don't see I have struggle upon everyone to get them.

Bella did not consider Gaston indeed. Okay, I admitted I had willing to watch this movie because my cousin always updated in joox of Beauty and The Beast song. I hate it of course because I did circle to my cousin purpose I could see his updated status. But why did  he always update unimportant thing? Or it was just me who updated my selfie till he bored at me? Or he feels like beast? It doesn't make sense of course. I see him as a little not handsome but success person. You just see what I thought of him of course. 

By those facts, I turned to two or three prior-ed paragraphs. I have an assumption that everyone just don't see me from appearance, but also my money. I don't have money right  now. It is not as much as I had before I became poor. I don't see a relation here. 

Well, I need this essay finish. I don't want everyone judged me like the one interviewer did to me. He told me as "if it is secret why did you tell us?".  Maybe I am not telling you, of course I don't need to tell you. I just need to make myself better. This is just one of ways I could feel happy. I want to share at least to this blog my story, or even my secret. I don't need everyone knows me. I want to share what inside my heart and my mind is. You don't like, you are free. So,  am I.

For Bonus, I want to upload here my graduation photo. I could decrease my disappointment of life because I don't see my self success..

Just don't think anything!

Senin, 28 November 2016

Big news


I said so, like the fact actually says...
1. poor.
2. jobless.
3. forever alone.

Could you imagine that life is so cruel to me?
My terrific is now happened !

This is just another post of mine. Too much regret.


Minggu, 23 Oktober 2016

Random Trees Along Border

It is useless...
I mean it is useless, I had remarked the blog layout but it's empty.

What do you like me to write? A minute before I was thinking that I doubted to write something here. Even I didn't know what to write. Actually I don't want to be public since I made big mistake and many other mistakes in my life. 

Talking about mistake, I remember that my friend had been asked me about this life. I told him that this life keeps on turning. But he said to me that there was no turning, if it did, you'd prevent it.

Well.. this time I lost my thoughts.

I was thinking that my life goes well. Until I realized I have no plan B at all. Something what I do today is my real life. Just to be honest, I have no fake smile, fake face, like I want to do plastic surgery to make my smile even better to see. I have no plan B that I would use my actual ability of make over to fix my smile. That's just imagination. The reality is here when I did mistake I shall fix it as soon as possible or... I have no choice to make it worse this time. 

Yeaaahh.. I told many people about my problems. But do I care to other people problem? Do I care to those children that afraid of strangers? 

I have my life this time just to fix my faults. I decide my priority to fix my faults first. If you see I am at the bottom today . yes there I am. 

Everyone deserves a mercy. There would be all people deserve to live in happy life.Why should I think about the people that far in distance? Why should I care to people that I didn't even meet? Why should I think to those people who suffer under old regime? Why should I care to you that I don't even know you are exist or not?

I lost in thoughts again.

Why should I think about environment, global warming, climate change, deforestation, degradation, and other society problems? 

I don't understand. Those are just my thoughts. Why do I care whether I have my own problem? Those happens, those tragedies of life, none wished. The way we could do today is just thank you that we are still living. 

If you thought that I tried to knock your heart. You were wrong. I just lost in thoughts. Let my mind thinks what it might be thought. I get headache to think all problems shall be solved. Everything has a reason. There should be happiness after the storm. There should be another day of joy.

:)))) Please guys.. this is just example of my random thinking. random emotion, random typewriting, random and abstract like I was invented a new pattern of planting in the village and that was random trees along border. That's what I felt this morning. Random trees along border. 

In my imagination random trees along border is a pattern that there is no specific plant ssooo all plants which could be planted in one land and grow well in one land. and it were planted randomly. sooo there is no special criteria. The fact, the plantation area was not special land though. The plants could be planted in one available area but still inside one village. The commonly plants could be planted are teak, guava, mango, papaya, srikaya, sapodilla, longan and other fruits trees that available.. hahaha..

I'm joking. I lost in thoughts. So these were just other post to aware you that everyone could be laugh and speechless in the same time. I know what you feel.. I just can't get enough.