my quotes

'life is like a puzzle need one another to make a complete picture that's why this life so perfect'


'knowledge cannot replace friendship, I'd rather be an idiot than lose you'
-Patrick to Spongebob-

Selasa, 28 Agustus 2018

Family comes First

8:14 a.m
Guten Morgen.
(don't know actually how to write the right one)

How are you, there?
I hear so many bird songs this morning, maybe my neighbors gain their birds at home. Are you curious for what I've been doing lately? I am going to answer by myself. I look like a hopeless person now. If you don't think the same, that's probably only my feeling.

I'm unemployed with the record of my last job was in November. There is no something surprising thing I would to tell you. Because I stay home at a half of this year. I have decided to be at home and caring my Daddy who is sick and need to stay home. 

I didn't want to see this condition as an awful thing. I learn a lot since my Daddy sick. You have not seen me before I am washing clothes, sweeping the floor, cleaning the glass, decorating my terrace, and doing some house works. 

Sometimes, I feel envy for my friends who have married and have some children or already got good career. Once again, I don't want to see my self as a victim, I just need a rest in my home and being with my parents and doing nothing, while this is not something that limit my self to have income.

I said the same statement when the reason is I am a fighter of a disease. It doesn't mean I have a terrible disease and need some full attention on it. I just feel I am really okay and my Daddy is sick.

My parents want me to build some small business at home. While we think of several things and trying to work it out. This is just difficult thing to do, there is still nothing that proper to us to work on.

I am just afraid for what comes ahead in my future. I haven't thought to raise my own money after graduate. I thought I would be still depending to my parents. The reality said the opposite, I have to be an independent woman. It is exactly similar to my parents word. 

They have pushed my self to go to work since I graduated. They just make me to have my own pride and could pay my own bills.

And right now?

I have to work hard on something that is still blur... I don't want something that I have, slowly fading away. It's just so selfish. Things which happen in present make sure myself that I would not wasting my time, to work in a hurry, but still stay calm.

How do I do this?

I don't even know how.

Help me....

Song of the year: In My Blood - Shawn Mendes


Minggu, 18 Maret 2018


06:13 a.m
GMT +7

I can't see my future from here.

Well my two posts in last time here show an ambition of mine. Where all beautiful things put on this life. But now it is getting unnecessary. It are all not important things and dreams.

I see my life right now is going on circle, sometimes  on the top at another times, it's below. Maybe, I'm too much talking than doing. Something I did was just unimportant thing. I did not feel my gratitude for everything I had and have. 

It was just last month, when I see my self working into two kind of different jobs, traveled to some places, enjoy so many kind of foods. And I had written all things I wish to happen at this blog. God never forget what I wish, and He gives my wish done which is one the best for me. You can say I feel sorry of my dreams and hopes which were bigger than it should be, so God answered my wish at 8 months ago. 
I don't know what things that makes me realize these all, but I less of gratitude. So, I have to do grateful more. And the other thing that possibly the reason of someone success is just never give up. We do have our limit, for whatever my limits right now, I see my self limitless, unless I see my surroundings, I see people with me right now, I see my condition right now.

Even though I limit in some condition, but there is no person to blame to. I think God fair enough to me, He is giving me what I need and what I want right on time. I will follow the phase of life, at another side, I have to trust that He is still guiding me. 

what's now?

Sabtu, 16 Desember 2017

I am cute (I know)

7:26 a.m

Why is so this morning?

Morning people!
Greeting from me at my bed. I want to make some of my arguments seem straight. I mean I am a normal person. Like boy loves girl and girl loves boy.

These nowadays, My sister and I had a talk about so many things, our family, our career path, our plan, and also our love. I don't want to publish many of it, I just want to tell readers something straight. That I am not in love right now, although I admit I still look for a person to accompany for the rest of my life. I mean, I also still look for a job that suitable for me ( besides all problems behind me with my previous companies ). Without people say I am a miserable human with no mate and job. I think I still have a proud to still live.


My current activity is blogging and surfing the social media or internet, maybe that is the reason for so many uncomfortable happens with my previous company. I could not tell personally person what happened to me before I posted it on social media. Right now, I have realized that human come first before I talked to cyber space. It is easier right now that enemy sometimes comes first than a friend.

I know that people normally would understand what happened to other person but accepting that happens finds difficulty. Firstly, I want to tell you what bothered me most of my illness, this sick is not about physical appearance or physical abusive thing, not also physical illness. Okay, to make it clear, I am in the low dose of medicine that required for this sickness, its cost 250.000 rupiahs every treatment or therapy. Well, for common people, this number of money is too much. After that, I disturbed by voices. Those voices followed me until right now, somehow it has turned off and on sometimes. But when I rode my motorbike it sounds louder.

Secondly, even though I am not in love. I am not a gay or maybe lesbian. I say it right now with my current happen and situation. I maybe like boys as other girls who love boys (as it used to be). But, I thought I don't need to publish the person here, because it is intentionally secret for you.  

Third, I can drive but I only bring my car out occasionally, it means only once a week, most of it our family rent a driver. The driver is only rented when we go in an average far distance.

Fourth, I want to be quiet in social media or internet, but it seemed never happen. Because I live in millenials era, which every person is now, can't live without internet, so it seems very impossible.

Fifth, I AM GETTING FAT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.. It is a disaster!

I could not push the brake for my own self, so, I believe even though I am being quiet in internet for awhile it would not be so long, I might appear again someday.

Minggu, 12 November 2017

_FF____ (eFForts)


10:10 a.m
Indonesian Time zone
GMT +7

No meant for that. I'm happy to write here again. I have been busy on doing some messy stuffs for my life. Although it were not all necessary. You must be curious and really want to ask question why I am being introvert for a while?

Well.. These nowadays I am still struggle to look for some activities that raised money. Because I am being more realistic that I couldn't live with (out) money. Hey, clearly my Dad and Mom have always been grumpy to me when they just saw me were not doing anything at home. Like a lazy person in a cage. Don't mean cossette .. hehe (my bird is tweeting right now when I am mentioning her).

I had read so many books just to gain some knowledge of motivation to our selves. Do you know? The book told me to do something to maybe mingling, to be success, to raise money. I have to admit that the books sometimes were right. Books of motivation told me to be an independent woman. If we can employee ourselves why couldn't we employee other people. That's what books told me (more or less).

Independent woman doesn't mean that we ruled some abilities that we couldn't do. It's also meant we actually could pay ourselves.That's the point. My parents always told me about this. Because all women in our family have to work. And that rules also ruined in my blood. I meant besides my laziness and all problems would not be limitation to people to work. 

For me, everything is now needing so many efforts. Firstly, I have to work, Second, I should have a boyfriend, Third, If it is possible, I'll get my self on master degree. Fourth, If it is possible, I'll also buy home and car. Fifth, If it is possible also, I get my self married and having kids. Sixth, If it is possible beyond all possible I would have a business. Seventh, I would traveling around the world. 
But... If it are only imagination, I would graving my self on sorrows.

Huh.. all things that I wanted in this life need effort. all things that I wanted been doing on my first step right now. But I realized after I graduated the truly adventures had just begun. 

My problems were not only one. It were involved with my communication to other people, how motivation worked on me, on how I handled my all projects, on how I finish one by one my deadline, on how I managed my social activity, on how I hold my self to keep on fighting.

It were all problems that I should finish one by one.  Including number eight the things I need, that was I recovered and healed from S _H_Z_P_R_N_A (how does it sound clearly to me right now ? )

Hmmmm.. you are right we couldn't stop the time. I am only slowly walk on the time and doing my step.. Good luck to me!


Minggu, 10 September 2017

Daily Inspiration Bomb!

14:31 p.m
Indonesian Timezone
GMT +7

Hi! I wondered how beautiful this life is. I want to share some photos again with this blog. I'm not actually sure what it is for. I meant I took several pictures in my yard and yet, although all my flowers died, two of them are still alive.. wkwk..


Check it out ! Pals!

Orchid's Buds

Mangoes (Mangifera Indica). For mangoes were just another story that the fruits grew bigger than usual. Xixi..

George, my new bunny who turned one year old this year. Wow and it is so wow!

Bugs. OMG, I can't stop my heart beat if remember that he is already 5.

Cossette (Cosette). He/She always reminds me how miserable I am. Stay single.

Another flower. I have told you I have two left flowers

I don't know this one, just seemed good plant grows in my yard...

I hope I could name this photo. But instead I thought a good name, I focused on the flag. 

Well.. appreciate life! We never know what ahead of us. Be good!