my quotes

'life is like a puzzle need one another to make a complete picture that's why this life so perfect'


'knowledge cannot replace friendship, I'd rather be an idiot than lose you'
-Patrick to Spongebob-

Minggu, 26 Desember 2010

Christmas Day for Toeladi's

I feel that I should graving the post below
forgot about everything that disturb my mind for awhile
because I have something good to tell you

Christmas day, yeah !
as the taste in your tounge
it's so happy and excited for me although there was a few problem happen that day
Hey Om Yus family came to my house
I met Tante Danik, Adit and Ajeng
Adit and Ajeng have grew older and bigger

well actually not so surprise cause their face still same
I like few things about this Christmas
first, Adit commented that I am changing...but I interupted his comment and I said "funnier do you?, well he said 'yes'. good thing.
second, I could have a conversation with Ajeng, happy and fun.
Third, I met Mbak Rinta at last, Oh My God when we were child we always together but what happen now is not the same, both of us were busy.
Fourth, I gave presents to the kids :D, for Brian, Ajeng and Axel.
Fifth, although deto and his family couldn't gather with us, we came to his house ans have a second christmas celebrate. And I met Mas Hendrasmo, seems he forget my name, doesn't matter.

We were all feel the spirit of Christmas inside us, no matter what our family still stand to celebrate it next year.
Christmas is not just to be celebrated and having party, it is the way we could gather with all our family.
Jesus was born to us, He came to this earth to fullfil his duty from God.
Thanks God you give me a great family.
I love my family

Jumat, 17 Desember 2010

review buku WAKTU AKU SAMA MIKA'

'when I was with Mika'''
buku ini bercerita tentang kisah cinta Indi (pengarang) dengan Mika (penderita AIDS)
Indi bercerita bahwa Mika adalah seorang pahlawan
Indi mencintainya dengan sepenuh hati dan susah melupakannya
Indi yang juga penderita scoliosis bercerita tentang betapa berharganya Mika
Indi memaknai penderita AIDS
di dalam sini diceritakan saat-saat indah, sedih, menghargai, bahkan saat Mika dipanggil Tuhan
dituangkan dalam bentuk diary yang acak sepengingat pengarang tapi masih tetap menarik
bahkan hari-harinya yang diisi dengan berpacaran dengan penderita AIDS
Indi menjadi semangat dalam menjalani hidupnya dan bertumpu pada Mika
pertamanya dan sampai terakhir diary ini seberapa kalipun dia juga mendapat kenyataan Mika sakit tapi Indi tetap bilang Mika adalah pahlawannya.

yang aku salut dari cerita ini; aku jadi pingin juga jadi relawan AIDS masuk yayasan penderita AIDS, menunjukkan kepedulian terhadap segala jenis penyakit dan ikut ambil bagian dalam usaha perbaikan. Aku jadi mengerti bila mencintai itu apa adanya, yang tulus seperti si MIKA. Aku akui aku asih menginginkan suami normal, pacar normal. Tapi tak bisa dipungkiri bila kita mendapat suatu yang lain, dan itu yang membuatnya spesial. Karena setiap manusia punya kekurangan dan kelebihan yang harus disyukuri. Dan aku sadari aku juga punya banyak kekurangan seperti yang kau lihat pada postingan sebelum ini bagaimana aku dan diriku dalam memaknai hidup. Dan aku tetap akan berusaha yang terbaik dengan segala kekurangan yang ada pada diriku.
Aku akan meneruskan perjuangan Mika sebagai seorang pahlawan, bila memang aku tidak bisa menjadi pahlawan buat orang lain atau malah sampah, aku akan memulai menjadi pahlawan untuk diriku sendiri.

Minggu, 12 Desember 2010


new friends ...
I have an activity this weekend, that is 'retret', I don't know the english
first I came to Wisma Santi Dharma it's not in good way, both physically or not.
I mean I came to this place to enhance my value and fulfill the lecture assignment.
My friends and I started our journey at 3 p.m on friday.
We lost in our way to go here at the first time but after that we called mas N to guide us through sms. And we could arrive here.
We have so many activities here. first came in there are snack, happy for us.
and there are many session we should through till this day. and this is the last day.
What I mean from this post is:
We don't be afraid of who we are.
I have new friends and some of them are cheers
I have adimitted my sins exactly yesterday
I learn many games.
I am realistic
I am conventional
I love make a joke
I love presentation
I love Jesus
and I will love my new friends
so far I still in positive thinking
although there are several problem such as I am in productive week.
but I believe that I can through it well till this last day.

Senin, 06 Desember 2010


Yesterday I had first upgrading IFSA, like I told you before IFSA is short form of International Forestry Student Association.
There was an introduction about IFSA and its whole activities.
IFSA is an organization non-profit, non-governmental. IFSA cooperative with other institution like IUFRO, CBD, CIFOR, etc.
that's what I catched from the explanation of first introduction about IFSA. And The president asked us 'who follow IFSA because they wanna learn english?'
and yes, just a person didn't raise his hand.
He repeated the president explanation before' if you wanna join an organization you follow IFSA, if you wanna learn english join FSC.'
And that statement was accepted by the president, she said that they won't teach us english.

After that there was an explanation about the delegates who sent to the conferences and many meeting. One of them is UNFSS, I forgot the long term but the last word is Symposium
Two men were explaining to us about that . And next year would be held in Turkey.

We have an Ice breaking, we sang Happy #blablabla pony , and Banana, actually I forgot the songs.
After that We were gathered into few groups. They are Leadership, Communication, Team Building, Time and Management, Mind set and Motivation. I have got ledership and it's the president's group, mbak Dea's group. She spoke fluently in english, and her boy is from finland.
So, we discussed about leadership after that we were separated to go to other's group and Mas Mindo stayed there to explain to the people from other group.
I got Mind set and Motivation with another from my group because the people of my group too many.
Then we had a presentation about all of part of softskill, because five of them was called softskill.
We should have softskill to be a leader. it's not just one of them but all of them are needed.
We finished at 2 o'clock after that we went home.
And we're not member yet, we should follow second upgrading.

Happy nice day :D

Minggu, 28 November 2010

Wisata Gendol part #2

the cops guarding the way to get into Gendol

the boy above was asking symphaty

the gate before 'Gendol'

the warning to the society

The photoes below are the impact of vulcanic ashes and cold lava
check it out!

Wisata Gendol part #1

This is my mom

This is me

This is my sister

These are the photoes of the impact of Merapi eruption.
you can see the vulcanic ashes and cold lava in these photoes
another impact check it out in the next post.
These photoes were taken at Cangkringan, Morangan village, Gendol river
"wisata Gendol"

Selasa, 23 November 2010

My mother in heaven.....remember you like I miss you

Yesterday I went home by bus, my motorcycle was deflated. Before I went up to the bus I bought a burger, Mr. Burger. Well it used to full my stomach.

Actually there's no meaning in the sentences above but I just write it haha.
This gonna be a real dream. I tried to sleep this afternoon at 2 pm after I arrived at home. I used to take a nap that afternoon but it didn't happen, although I was full and a little tired and I closed my eyes, I couldn't sleep.

I don't know what's the matter with me, but when I was thinking about a man, not so important, Suddenly I remembered about someone, it feels so deep inside, something has through my heart slowly.....

called it, feels missing
whether miss or missing
That person is my Mom
slowly but sure my tears began to fall while I closed my eyes.
I remembered how her stomach grew bigger, I remembered when I served her to drink a juice at hospital.
and sadly I remembered, although she was sick, she still thinking about her children, she gave money to my father and she commanded to brought me to the Gramedia.

She is happy now, she is in heaven with my Jesus, with his father too, she always wanted it.
I 'm sure that she always be with us (her family) forever.

who truly miss you, Mom

Jumat, 19 November 2010

for him-whom original

I don't understand about this life, sometimes it looks unfair.
there's always a background why I said that.
Yesterday I had Eucharist ceremony in my neighbour's house.
my neighbour's name is Pak Agus.

The first I came to that place I didn't know that his son have had mentally handicapped.
And it never be something usual for me.
His son was attacked by mentally handicapped since he was born.
I just thought it could be happened
because their sins in past.
but sometimes I saw it depends at what you were in past
who you were in past.
maybe in the next life I will be like that person.

but it didn't decrease my curious. Because of that I looked at him, always, during the Eucharist, I mean I cannot make it usual for me.
It always looks unfair
someone can be born with all the complete part and perfectly but he hasn't got that
someone can be born as a normally person but he doesn't
sometimes it looks unfair . aha?

No, I don't think if I were God
God is always be with me every time
and I hope God be with him too.

I just curious if I had that disease what will I think.
maybe someday if my friend, Mayang pass her study I will ask how.

but I cannot imagine how's his world spinning
how he interprets this life
what he feels about sex
is he interested with a girl?

maybe you will think I'm too exaggerated
but I don't think much better than this
this life is so long
how if his parent leave him someday
will he feel the same like us?
but I think human is still human
I know that he could feel everything but it is only hide somewhere
cause he is amazing just the way he is


Kamis, 11 November 2010

my collegian season

This is my lecture time, I have nothing to post so, I post these photos, The photo above is Helen, she is not actually my bestfriend but she always accompany me in all A subjects. She is rather fat, nice, calm girl, and I have kept a few of her stories about her boyfriend and another.

Senin, 08 November 2010

Dear God, a quick letter

Dear God,

This thinking has through my mind when I was sick.
Maybe you would think poor me when I was sick, like I didn't feel and enjoy the moment because I was sick.
but unfortunately , you wrong. Although I was sick, I could feel something that made me so silly .

After I was a little healthy, I sat down on my parent's bed and thinking about this.
'God, if You let me died the day when I was sick maybe I would say thanks for You, because I don't need to make all these works, reports and don't need to catch my lessons and I was not wasting my lecture time.'

When I was in Panti Rapih Hospital, I felt they were there for me. Since I was in unconscious condition, they gave their attention exactly right on me. Yes, my parent did. I felt enjoy and peace so when I died that day I didn't have to feel worry or something, because they were there for me.
My sister in my house must be a little disturbed too with my condition but it didn't matter because they were there for me.

I have my family, and God, do You know all my gratitude for You because You have given me the best family ever that I've ever felt.

I have ever asked You to take me first before my family, yes I did. I really felt that I couldn't live without them. I felt the world is over when someone was taken from me, I didn't learn from my past, I still worry and scared , with if's.

But now, my spirit has risen again , I know that it will just go on circle like that. human is still human. nothing I could do. but I am a useless woman which is belonged to You. I need You a lot in my life. whether I don't think how much I have said this. but being lonely is still a part that I can't move it.

I wanna still life. I wanna go abroad, I wanna make my parent proud of me. I want to be someone like what my parent wanted. Because that wishes are my motivation now to still living. instead, all my dreams couldn't be true. but I have my family to fulfill my day.

Best regards,

Rabu, 27 Oktober 2010

a review of an episode 'Termehek-mehek'

I just knew it is about parent and it was so special edition for me which inspiring me to write this.
oke last Sunday I watched 'Termehek-mehek'.
It's a reality show about seeking person which missing.

This episode told that parent is unchangeable. of course, I think everyone knows about it.
Here is the review:
Someone, just call it D has notify that her mother have lost. She is so confuse about how she could look for her mother so she came to 'Termehek-mehek' team. The team came to her house but firt there's just her father, she was not there. But when the team would go home suddenly a car stopped in front of house gate. D was came out from the car, there was somebody inside the car and that was her boyfriend. An accident happened, the neighbor of D splash the car and her boyfriend angry, got out from the car and did mouth quarrel with the neighbor. The accident happened fastly because the team could handle it.
The neighbor did that because D often goes anywhere she was seldom staying at home.
After that they started seeking. First day the went to D's mother's friend, but it was really unplesure meeting because D's mother's friend told that D's father have sold his wife to japan to be a masseur in plus plus massage place. A quarrel happened again. The D's mother's friend luckly a nice person, he commanded the team to look for the agency which send worker to abroad aspecially Japan. Then D and the team came to that place. At the agency they should wait long time. D was unpatient but she was playing BBM (Blackberry massage). After they got information that D's mother came there with a person called Z two months ago. When they would continue seeking the D's boyfriend came and asked D to leave her activity, The team so bored with D, D was not serious to seek her mother and her boyfriend also bored. At last D's boyfriend end the relationship. D regreted and she promise to not touch her BB again and would concern to this activity.
They came to Z. Z is a security of a plus plus motel.
Then after they arrived there they just got information that Z was deprived, and they got information where usually Z hang out.
They came to Z but He gave no information, he didn't know where D's mother was. And
he was deprived because of D's mother.
But after two days Z gave information where D's mother was. They went to that place and found D's mother opened a food stall at the street side. D was upset, she left that place but her mother catched her, her mother asked apology to D. D accepted her mother back.

This was inspiring me to write a statement below:
Parent is parent, whatever their jobs, and I love my parent whoever they are.

Selasa, 19 Oktober 2010

I truly miss him

I don't know how to express my feeling this time
it just happened like I find again my place to share with
or the damn is I have found my heart be placed.

calm down I just miss him.
That's right
I don't know why I like opening facebook site again
I don't know why I like opening his profile in every site

is that because his worthy, his luxurious car?

It's still difficult for me to make it different
which one my heart said between like or love?

I didn't feel my heartbeat
I didn't feel I lost my control

may I feel a little bit exaggerated, for now It's not so important.
because I realize my feeling is not the same as him now. He just feel that I am just his friend or even if more it is like a sister for him.

unlike something which make him interesting,
I like his white-baby-face, his charisma, or even his personaly

I know what I felt.
I just like him

but on how
I truly miss him.

Kamis, 14 Oktober 2010


at last I have got 100 on Biology pre test

although it just pre test once in my life after I had had skizofrenia...
thanks God !
believe me I love You always

Minggu, 03 Oktober 2010

go bonita go go bonita!

alright I have spent my time to write this.
This is about togetherness and anything being a good friend

I have told you about Putri, her friend called R has warned me about her,
no, I didn't care it. I didn't care if Putri is materialistic person or not jus beware of the dog.

This is about bonita
last week I had an event which was called makrab
That was like a retret to accept and introduce new members.
but I was missing a few parts.
I didn't really enjoy it, it's because I didn't be the best.

but I really enjoy when I could make fun.

This is about togetherness
I enjoy a moment when I met my friends
it just like my new family
an activity such as futsal has made me feel comfort although I was not playing in real game.
although we were in monority level but I supposed to be proud because we know each other, we can show that we have KORSA. And this is about real korsa

still I just like you

Jumat, 17 September 2010

eks natural science 3, PAC 'bubar'

Location has been detected :
Pondok Cabe near Mirota Kampus

It all make me smile
I enjoy the moment there

note: I have been waiting this photo for 2 weeks

Selasa, 07 September 2010

comparison between highschool student and collegian

no problem no resolution

back to the earth.....
I was not attending my class this morning for Pancasila education and forest soil science
but actually I don't know whether this day was filled by that lesson or not

This time in my life I have realized that now I am a collegian (university student)
there is many differences between high school and university degree if we compare it..

showed on the material which was brought by lecturer in past (I found my paper and threw away to rubbish :P)

the fact what I have felt till this time are
1. we don't have to send a mail to college when we are not entering the class
2. there is no BK that will take a part of our studying
3. for my university there is no rule to make any kind of proposal when we want to go to hiking
4. no canteen that provide cheap price for us (more than 5000 rupiah)
5. the books are so thick and we must active in class to get high IP moreover if the lecturer embed a SCL (student center learning)
6. my forestry science introduction's lecturer didn't angry with me when I took photoes in his class
7. we have to wait long time (more or less 2 hours) from first class to second class and so further

for all what I have written above it just come from my mind and I'll do the best in this collegian season :D

Minggu, 05 September 2010


blogger community I have an appropriate answer for the question what was happening to me when I was in highschool at the rest of second grade and third grade.

exactly the same as what I wrote in my blog with the title 'MASA ERRORISME'

firstly, I didn't belive that my mother found the illness' name but after I consulted with the doctor (not the one like usual) we opened a conversation and we found a deal sickness, because I just knew that I had mental disorder before, but I didn't know the name.

yes, If you want to know more the doctor said to us (me and my mother) to stop drink the drug at sunday. Still, because in the second day 'ospek' I heard a little voice, called my name 'benedictte'

we just reduce to use this drug at sunday and the doctor said may I free from this drug someday

want to know more about skizofrenia ?
check this out

Selasa, 24 Agustus 2010


I really don't know what I'm going to say just


1. he did anything to make me scared
2. he made me confuse where he was
3. all the committees were good actresses and actors
4. There was no thinking that the happen would be like that fun
4. for JAGAWANA , I really hate you, but you made me felt everything

apa saja sih yang terjadi?

hari ke-0 = 18 Agustus 2010

kita belom bawa atribut apa-apa semua yang ditugasin hari sebelumnya dibawa besok, kita cuma pake dasi, baju lengan panjang putih, sepatu hitam lapangan, rok panjang hitam semata kakibuat cewek, tas ransel dan jas almamater. Acaranya upacara di GSP (Graha Sabha Permana dan sebelumnya aku udah di ruh-ruhimas kristo damanik si JAGAWANA (sie kedisiplinan) tempatku.

hari ke-1 = 19 Agustus 2010

hari ini isinya materi pagi-pagi kita kumpul tapi tidak masuk satu yaitu Ian dari Jogja ya ikita oke-oke aja isinya materi ke-UGM-an 3 kali yang pertama dan kedua aku diberi kesempatan nanya. Eh sesi Jagawana sore aku di semprot mas Kristo (Bang Ucok) karena kurang batang pohon doang -______-. ya akunya sih disemprot " Ini lagi terakhir merasa bersalah, merasa bersalah kamu ha? Apa iya iya...nunduk iya ya...SIAAAPP!". trus dikasih hukuman disuruh ngambil sampah non-organik di arboretum (hutan) trus dibuang.

hari ke-2 = 20 Agustus 2010

Sebenernya dah dari hari kemarin ketemu sama kakak-kakak Bonita tapi baru disatuin sama maba lain kelompok hari ini jadi deh kita nyanyi bareng "Hari ini kurasa bahagia berkumpul dengan saudara seiman..." sama lagu "Bapa sentuh hatiku ...."ini sesi paling tidak melelahkan. Trus materi Goal setting aku nglempar bola ke kardus eh pertamanya nggak masuk(bikin malu kelompok aja) keduanya milih satu meter masuk deh nilai cuma satu tapi oke lah. Sesi Jagawana, aku mbohongi mas kristo bawa batang tapi di saku padahal batangnya bukan Gmelina arborea hihihi. tapi nih orang bermaksud nolong atau egak ...ya nggak tau.... ya emang disemprot tapi nggak keras.

hari ke-3 = 21 Agustus 2010

Bebas Jagawana ....sumpah hari ini nggak nongol satupun Jagawana yang ndeketin atau nyemprot aku yang ada cuma pada sliwar-sliwer di depanku dan mas Kristo nggak nongol juga. materi aku junga ngak begitu semangat nanya sana sini. ngantuk banget rasanya. nggak semangat gara-gara nggak disemprot? dasar manusia aneh.

hari ke-4 = 22 Agustus 2010

Disemprot lebih dari satu Jagawana sehari. dua cewek satunya mas kristo sama mbak gemuk itu diteriakin 'kamu suka sama dia knapa ngliat dia, suka sama dia', 'banyak tingkah saja kau', 'kamu nyaman dengan lengan panjang?' itu di pos 4- POS JAGAWANA. pos 3 juga pos JAGAWANA tentang trust, percaya pada anggota kita menjatuhkan diri dari pohon tumbang eh gara-gara nggak apal yel disuruh push up 5 kali. pos 5 strategi bagaimana cara melewati jaring laba-laba oleh sylvagama, pos 2 tutup mata dan mendengarkan suara leader kemudian menemukannya denganmata ditutup sleyer. pos 1 lempar tangkap air nggak boleh pecah. yel-yel kita ancur,.....addduuuuhhh!!!
pas pengenalan panitia sore tau-tau panitia ospek diusir semua ada sidang mahkamah agung terdakwa Jagawana Zakie dan Angga, saksi Nuhony dan satunya lagi lupa, hukuman buat Jagawana push up 10 kali dan seluruh Jagawana ikut. Aku udah dipendeliki mas Kristo yang ngincer dari hari pertama ospek. semua ricuh kursi dibanting jagawana Angga, WIBI emosi tak pegangin. tak rangkul terus sampai parkir utara tak lepas perlahan.yang cowok nglindungin yang cewek. eh disuruh nunduk trus merenung aku nglirik mas angga dikasih sesuatu sama jagawana yang satunya plastik, plastik isi air, aku dah nduga klo bakalan di lempar air sama tambahannya tepung ternyata, aku keluar barisan trus disambut senyum sama mas kristo dipeluk jeng...habis itu kita ada malam inagurasi klompok 3 menang maket miniatur. aha-hai!

hei perwira rimba raya, mari kita bernyanyi
memuji hutan rimba dengan lagu yang gembira
dan nyanyian yang murni
meski sepi hidup kita, jauh di tengah rimba
tapi kita gembira sebabnya kita bekerja
untuk nusa dan bangsa

rimba raya, rimba raya
indah permai dan mulia
maha taman tempat kita bekerja x2

rimba raya maha indah, cantik molek perkasa
penghibur hati susah, penyokong nusa dan bangsa
rimba raya mulia
dsitulah kita kerja, disinar matahari
gunung lembah berduri, haruslah kita arungi
dengan hati yang murni


pagi petang siang malam rimba kita berseru
bersatulah, bersatu, tinggi rendah jadi satu
bertolongan selalu
jauhkanlah sikap kamu yang mementingkan diri
ingatlah nusa bangsa minta supaya dibela
oleh kamu semua


Jumat, 06 Agustus 2010

You don't have to worry what will you become someday

Postingan ini untuk menjawab keraguan dari 'apa-saja-sih-yang-disediakan-kehutanan-untuk mahasiswanya?' dan 'apa-saja-yang-bisa-dihasilkan-kehutanan?'

and I have found the answers from GARDU RIMBA (majalah kehutanan yang didapat dari pendaftaran OSPEK)

so, disitu ditulis sebuah profil dari Amalia Anindia yang tertarik masuk kehutanan UGM karena slah satu mahasiswanya dari IFSA LC UGM merupakan satu-satunya mahasiswa se-Indonesia yang menjadi observer di UNFCCC COP 13 di Nusa Dua, Bali dan faktor lainnya adalah fakta bahwa global warming tengah mengancam kehidupan manusia.

-artikel yang berisi riwayat perjuangan Amalia inilah yang menginspirasi saya untuk menulis ini, dia berhasil menunjukkan pada forester bahwa di kehutanan kamu juga bisa berhasil, di situ ditulis kalau dia menjadi wakil IFSA LC UGM dalam UNFCCCC COP 15.

Motivasi yang sungguh berbeda dengan apa yang saya tulis sebelum ini karena alasan masuknya saya ke kehutanan bukan dari hati saya dan merupakan alasan sembrono.

Untuk menjawab dua keraguan itu sebelum saya masuk ke fakultas ini dan belum mengenal betul isi dari kehutanan saya dapat menjawab ternyata tersedia banyak organisasi- organisasi dan peluang untuk berkarya di kehutanan.

Dan hasil yang saya peroleh dari pencarian mengapa saya bisa tertarik dengan isi GARDU RIMBA ini bahwa kenyataan memang bumi kita harus diselamatkan. Di dukung foto 'I LOVE EARTH' yang ditunjukkan Adina (salah satu forester) di facebook dan primary photo Agus Kusmawanto (forester) yang juga tercantum dalam salah satu artikel di GARDU RIMBA.

I love Earth!

Rabu, 04 Agustus 2010


Barusan tadi aku ketemu guru fisikaku waktu di SMP N 16 Yogyakarta namanya Bu Unung, ditanyain : 'masuk mana sekarang?',
jawabku : 'ugm Bu'
terus ditanyain lagi : ' fakultas apa?',
jawabku lagi : 'kehutanan'
dengan tampang heran +++ : 'kok kehutanan?'

begitulah yang terjadi di fotokopian prisma deket SMPku.
dengan berbagai alasan aku menjawab pertanyaan ibu tadi tetapi satupun gak ada yang mantep dengan yang sebenarnya terjadi. Dan kenapa aku milih fakultas kehutanan sebagai pilihan keduaku di tes UM UGM kemarin setelah Agribisnis dan ketrima di situ aku tidak tahu. Tetapi ada berbagai alasan untuk mengemukakan pendapat kenapa aku memilih kehutanan:

  1. Sewaktu SMA aku ikut ekskul pecinta alam maka aku menaruh pilihanku disitu karena kegiatannya mungkin agak-agak menjurus ke situ (begitu pikirku), walaupun aku tidak akan mengkuti ekskul pecinta alam lagi di fakultas maupun universitasku yang baru.
  2. Aku menaruh opsi 'kehutanan' di pilihan keduaku karena aku gengsi dengan passing grade karena passing grade agribisnis lebih tinggi dan menurut hasil try out aku bisa masuk ke situ, dan entah kenapa karena ibu RT di kampungku suka dengan pertanian juga saya makanya memasukkan yang serba hijau ke ketiga opsi saya yaitu agribisnis, kehutanan, agronomi.
  3. Masih sebagai manusia biasa lapangan pekerjaan di kehutanan di rasa masih banyak peluang dan gajinya lumayan walaupun peminat memang sedikit dan lulusan sebelumnya yang perempuan bekerja tidak jelas.
Itulah tiga alasan yang kurasa paling jelas, sedangkan untuk hatiku aku mengatakan karena orangtuaku menyuruh menyudahi saja petualanganku untuk mendapatkan universitas lain dan karena saat itu aku sedang sakit makanya aku terperangkap di kehutanan. Tapi toh semua itu sudah tak kupikirkan lagi, aku mengejar IP dan pendidikan luar negri nantinya dengan mulai persiapan bahasa inggris juga. Semoga cita-citaku dapat tercapai apalagi tinggal 14 hari lagi aku masuk semoga aku bisa sukses seperti orang-orang.

Rabu, 28 Juli 2010

we call it FRIENDSHIP

ini yang kurasakan......SENENG BANGET.....sumpah deh
liburan ini aku jadi tau yang namanya 'friendship'
yes right......the same as you said

aku kenal temen-temenku gak sedeket sekarang
sebelum aku kenal kalian, aku ngrasa sendiri dan plus-plusnya dicuekin

The story began like this:
Mega mau cabut ke Bandung buat nglanjutin kuliahnya ke ITB, 3 hari sebelum keberangkatan aku di sms 'ben, kamu mau nggak nemenin aku ke wirosaban? Plis'
dan jawabku oke dan click, kita jalan bareng ke Rumah sakit Wirosaban buat ambil hasil test rontgen (buat masuk ITB) plus buat surat kesehatan di puskesmas Kotagede karna nunggunya lama kita ngobrol ngalor ngidul, apalagi ngobrolin temen" kita, dan tebak aku bisa nyambung ngobrol sama dia, juga pas ngobrol di food court UGM, yeah aku sudah agak normal seperti manusia-manusia yang bersosialisasi...dan itu sebagai hari pamitnya Mega juga. di fb dia ngucapin 'dadah ben, makasih banyak buat semuanya' hanya untukku...cuma buatku dari sekian commentnya ke teman" nya, 'makasih'itu membuatku tersenyum.

Kemarin, tepat kemarin, aku dan teman" eks 6B Marsud, kita ke pantai DEPOK.
aku taunya naek motor. so, aku dah isi bensin full eh sampai sana ditawari Maria buat nebeng mobilnya Cahyo buat nemenin dia. Ya udah aku sama Kristin nebeng mobilnya Cahyo.
eh. kocak terserah deh mo bilang aku suka dia atau GR atau apapun itu, senengnya bisa kenal sama mereka. Maria bikin ketawa terus. Aku cuma rame waktu maen di tepi laut eh dijorokin Cahyo terus. Tapi nih orang gak isa dibales, aku dorong berkali-kali tetep kokoh berdiri, makanya ak ciprati wae pakai air laut. Maria malah di tanggap bikin ketawa terus orangnya. Eh di mobil aku plus Krebo 1 n' Krebo 2 hahahah (Kristin and Cahyo -red) nggosipin Desty sama Yose (cinta terlarang), eh akunya minta si Cahyo jadi psikiater biar klo nanti keturunanku kalau sakit kayak aku digratisin ngobat ke dia, eh dianya malah bilang ' kok kamu pingin sakite, mbakku bilang yang psikiater cukup bapak saja', gagal deh:(
tapi aku seneng dia jadi dokter, cita-citanya dari sd BUSHET lo, malah cita-citaku jadi guru nggak kesampaian.

These were so fun Guys. I love you all

Jumat, 09 Juli 2010

it express who you really are

:) hi !
welldone for all this memory.
this time when we must understand that we will say good bye to each other
well....maybe this is the last party but not to be the last meeting
I'm sure we will meet again maybe next time in the same zone or even in the different zone.

but with you all be my serenity (kenangan yang gak bakal tergantikan) a memory that can't replace by anything.

for all my best friends include you : there's never ending memory which i was looking for it any where. but I have found it in you.

for all my buddies : thanks for present in my day. always I'll keep our secret together. You are all my beloved .....*, thanks for the sad time too any madness, sadness, happiness, craziness, boredom, angry, and everything.

for all the members of debate and vachera : your spirit will pull my spirit. our spirit is never ending story.

for all my class mates: your smile and your all laugh are my favorites

for all who I ever love: I'm fat now. Must be you forget me easily. But you always be my senior high school's love. You're the first memory that appear in my dreams when I came back in the same place.

for all my teachers and staffs and the member of SMADA: Mr, Mrs, Miss, I know that I 'm naughty but I made you laugh then. :D

I will going to miss you guys. This event (might be contain nothing) but I like when the photos appear and show our face. :)

A piece of loneliness\ MATUTA

Kamis, 01 Juli 2010

June in love (anykind of love)

what a smart june for me!
memang ketika aku sakit, temanku jauh dariku, gak ada tempat berpijak. Berasa kosong dan susah untuk dijelaskan. Temanku yang satu ini pada tanggal 29 Juni kemarin meminta maaf padaku pada kenyataan dia meninggalkanku saat itu. Senyatanya aku juga minta maaf sama dia untuk semuanya, ngira dia nyuri ini itu lah (fokus waktu kelas 1 sma dia memang melakukannya), tapi memang gak tau kebenarannya dan aku tidak mengutarakan alasan aku minta maaf. Tapi dia bilang dia yang salah. Aku bilang cuma aku gak suka kejadian kita bertiga sama Nisa di Bali.

tanggal 28 Juni waktu reunian sd eh...gak nyangka lho si C ndeketin aku. Aku nya sih menanggapi dan ngrespon semua jurusnya tapi habis terakhir waktu pada main rubik aku diam saja dan menunduk. Padahal lebih baik aku dan dia teman saja, memang waktu sd pernah saling suka. Cuma itu dulu, oke terlepas pada daya tariknya pada kenyataan dia masuk KUI (Kedokteran Umum Internasional) UGM. Aku suka, tapi entah kenapa aku gak sreg

tanggal 29 Juni giliran mas A alumni SMADA yang juga membuatku bertanya apa dia masih menyukaiku, Tapi sudahlah aku tidak memaksakan diriku untuk memiliki, ataupun memilih bahkan yang teringat malas si R yang ndeketin waktu retret tahun lalu dengan gigihnya eh berpaling dengan cepat dan udah pacaran sama adik kelas yang ikut retret juga.

sekian surprise yang kudapat di akhir Juni 2010. Piala dunia lagi libur main lagi tanggal 3 Juli ini dan aku suka GOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLL!

Minggu, 27 Juni 2010

Ekskul Debate ku

SEDC = Smada English Debating Community

Aku ikut ekskul ini dari kelas satu dan berhenti di kelas dua you know why? B-coz I had a little craziness disease. Hahah forget about that back to the earth. Aku pertama kali menginjakkan kaki di kelas debat didorong Olla mati-matian dengan si Yanti, kita langsung diberi gambaran gimana itu debat terus disuruh bentuk tim, dan tau gak langsung deh aku se-tim sama Olla as the first speaker, Yanti as the second speaker dan aku sendiri as the third speaker. Kita pertama battle lawan kelompoknya Ambar, Tami dan Mayang and believe it or not because of me, my team be the winner. Yes! The first met with Mas Sida as our teacher. And our first motion tentang Sex wow, sampai mas Ayudha ketawa denger aku speech di depan kelas. Hadeh.

Terus the first we join on the real battle against adit’s group. Yeah and kita kalah deh. Kelompok mereka terdiri dari Recky as the first speaker, Adit as the second speaker and Eka as the third speaker.

Langsung dibilang pada battle pertama kita kalau kita berbakat da aku jadi best speaker kita langsung diterjunin lomba ke UII. At that time I thought Mas Sida was mad. ‘Gile lu yang bener aja kita masih juniornya amatir disuruh langsung lomba’ that’s clearly enough to explain that we were lost of the three battle in UII walaupun sempet battle pertama lawan sma 5 aku jadi second best speaker. Plok*. Bangga dikit boleh dong.

The real competition dimulai sejak aku menginjakan kakai ke lomba di sma 5 kelompokku terdiri dari Recky as the first, Adit as the second and Me as the third, kita masuk seperempat final. Dari situ namaku mulai dikenal di dunia debat antar sekolah,anak-anak debat mulai kenal aku diantaranya dari mualimin yang second speakernya sekelas ELTI dan selevel denganku, terus Mualimat yang third speakernya bikin adit suka dan kita malah kalah lawan dia, sma 5 yang sering kita lawan dan satu lagi sma 6 yang pertama kali kita battle kita malah bawa-bawa agama masing-masing -_-.

Me and the real team yaitu Olla, Yanti dan aku maju sampai seperempat final di Mualimin dan kita waktu itu udah kelas dua. Dan yang bakalan jadi lomba terakhirku sama tim asli ku , aku yang batalin karena aku udah mulai kena gejala error, Olla marah-marah, Yanti udah hopeless. Dan aku menhancurkan semuanya. Dan faktanya terakhir kita debat di teknik elektro ugm dan kalah lawan Meganusa’s team (si ISDC dan jadi president JDF skarang) dari sma 1 pakem karena aku sakit panas dan gak mampu berpikir apa-apa walaupun begitu kita sempet masuk ¼ final. Walaupun begitu aku dan teamku gak pernah masuk semifinal.

Beberapa dekade setelah kita kelas 3 kita semua udah pada mencar gak ikut debate lagi, aku sibuk dengan penyakitku, les privat dan les di GO (kujalani demi masuk ke universitas favorit) Olla bilang sewaktu kita ngumpul bareng pas doa bersama, ‘aku kangen debat nih’ , ya aku juga kangen.

Kamis, 17 Juni 2010

these songs are memories

when I was in first grade of senior high school, this song remind me when I asked aida to sing it together, SEMPURNA- Andra and The Backbone

kau begitu sempurna
di mataku kau begitu indah
kau membuat diriku
akan selalu memujamu

di setiap langkahku
ku kan selalu memikirkan dirimu
tak bisa ku bayangkan
hidupku tanpa cintamu

* janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
takkan mampu menghadapi semua
hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa

kau adalah darahku
kau adalah jantungku
kau adalah hidupku
lengkapi diriku
oh sayangku kau begitu
sempurna, sempurna

kau genggam tanganku
saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
kau bisikkan kata
dan hapus semua sesalku

When I was in second grade of senior high school a gank called it N****** sang it together and I just listened it till the end of the song. Seize the Day-Avenged Sevenfold

Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It’s empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over

I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I’m too young to worry
These streets we travel on will undergo our same lost past

I found you here, now please just stay for a while
I can move on with you around
I hand you my mortal life, but will it be forever?
I’d do anything for a smile, holding you ’til our time is done
We both know the day will come, but I don’t want to leave you

I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I’m too young to worry (a melody, a memory, or just one picture)

Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It’s empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over

Newborn life replacing all of us, changing this fable we live in
No longer needed here so where do we go?
Will you take a journey tonight, follow me past the walls of death?
But girl, what if there is no eternal life?

I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I’m too young to worry (a melody, a memory, or just one picture)

Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It’s empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over

Trials in life, questions of us existing here, don’t wanna die alone without you here
Please tell me what we have is real

So, what if I never hold you, yeah, or kiss your lips again?
Woooaaah, so I never want to leave you and the memories of us to see
I beg don’t leave me

Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It’s empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over

Trials in life, questions of us existing here, don’t wanna die alone without you here
Please tell me what we have is real

Silence you lost me, no chance for one more day [x2 then continues in the background]
I stand here alone
Falling away from you, no chance to get back home
I stand here alone
Falling away from you, no chance to get back home

This is the other song which is sung by NCZ too while he was pushing up for me in the square while watching me in the rain (so romantic) Dear God-Avenged Sevenfold

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love purpose hard to find
While I recall all the words you spoke to me
Can’t help but wish that I was there
Back where I’d love to be, oh yeah

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
to hold her when I’m not around,
when I’m much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her
And now I wish I’d stayed
’Cause I’m lonely and I’m tired
I’m missing you again oh no
Once again

There’s nothing here for me on this barren road
There’s no one here while the city sleeps
and all the shops are closed
Can’t help but think of the times I’ve had with you
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
to hold her when I’m not around,
when I’m much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her
And now I wish I’d stayed
’Cause I’m lonely and I’m tired
I’m missing you again oh no
Once again

Some search, never finding a way
Before long, they waste away
I found you, something told me to stay
I gave in, to selfish ways
And how I miss someone to hold
when hope begins to fade…

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love purpose hard to find

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
to hold her when I’m not around,
when I’m much too far away
We all need the person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her
And now I wish I’d stayed
’Cause I’m lonely and I’m tired
I’m missing you again oh no
Once again

postingan 16 juni 2010 habis TES TOEFL UGM

haduh, entah seneng ato sebel perasaanku ini, liat temen berhasil semua...

1. plok* buat Putri yang juga ketrima kehutanan UGM dan kita tadi jalan bareng lho waktu tes TOEFL UGM, kita juga dinner bareng di JOG CHICK (jogja chicken)

2. plok* buat Putri lagi yang berhasil ngalahin nem ku, padahal sempet ngintip nya dia cuma dapet 7

3. plok* buat Karlina yang tadi diceritain Putri udah punya pacar dan setaun lebih muda dan dari JB (John De Britto) lagi

4. plok* buat Shinta yang juga diceritain Putri mau daftar STAN (Sekolah Tinggi Akutansi Negara-iyu lho yang masuknya ntar klo ketrima gratis, eks skolahnya Gayus Tambunan yang gajinya 12 juta, plus masuk penjara gara2 korupt)

5. plok* buat Mega yang tadi aku sms-in ternyata udah ketrima ITB (Institut Teknologi Bandung) dan dia ngambil arsitek.

6. plok* buat saya yang ketemu sama Kries Coni yang cetha-cetha tak tulis di status fb tempo hari ( haduh katanya tau dari Lita smaven klo aku ketrima kehut, ketauan gak ya?)

7. plok* buat Arinda Rintan Bestari temen facebook saya yang nemnya 51 (kata Putri) dan dia mengenali saya tetapi tidak nyapa, padahal saya juga sudah curiga itu dia.

8. plok* buat Chili yang berhasil menang nglawan Honduras 1-0

9. plok* buat saya yang gusar klo Lina ketrima STAN ato enggak

10. plok* buat adek dan saya yang sama-sama menggagalkan acara nonton di twenty-one

itu lah TOS dari saya dan 10 applaus dari saya yang sebenarnya minder, seneng, gusar, punya temen baru juga. dan tos yang kesebelas saya agak bohong-bohong dikit sama.....

Jumat, 11 Juni 2010

Antara Aku dan Ayahku

Ini seharusnya menjadi postingan masa lalu saya, Ini adalah kejadian masa sekitar smp saya ketika ibu kandung saya sudah meninggal:

Entah orang ini memahami kerapuhan anaknya atau tidak saya tidak tahu tapi saya sadar ternyata memang ada yang lebih berharga dari pada saya sendiri sebagai anak pertamanya. Bahkan ketika saya memposting betapa berharganya keluarga ini di mata saya, adik saya meresponnya dengan sedikit tidak menghargai apa yang saya tulis bahkan tersentuhpun tidak sepertinya (atau mungkin belum baca tulisan saya hanya melewatkan tulisan saya yang menurutnya amburadul). Dalam tulisan di facebook yang saya masukkan dalam klub ‘catatan’ saya menge-tag ibu tiri saya, ayah saya, dan adik saya (oh lupakan apa yang dilakukan adik saya) saya menyadari mengapa orang tua saya melarang saya ikut sebagian kegiatan yang saya ingin lakukan, saya menyadari bahwa mereka melarang saya mengikutinya karena dipikir terlalu berbahaya seperti salah satu ekskul yang saya ikuti yaitu pecinta alam yang hobinya naik gunung, arung jeram dan sebangsanya, beberapa orang yang membaca tulisan ternyata tersentuh dan menyukai catatan bahkan memberi comment pada catatan saya, sebagian keluarga besar dan teman-teman saya di sekolah. Tetapi ternyata ada comment dari seorang teman saya bahwa yang seharusnya minum obat bukan saya tetapi (dalam chat di fb) dia bilang ayah saya.

Pernah suatu hari yang dingin sewaktu hujan lebat mengguyur kota jogja dan saya sekeluarga dengan adik yang sedang sakit dan ayah saya saja di rumah(kebetulan waktu itu saya belum punya ibu tiri) saya bercakap-cakap berdua saja dengan ayah saya, beliau dengan gamblang dan terbuka bercengkrama dengan saya, beliau kemudian bilang bahwa “Bapak lebih sayang adik kamu daripada kamu.” Dan secara sadar saya diam saja menyadari kekalahan saya dimata ayah saya dan dibanding adik saya, saya juga sadar bahwa di depan ayah saya terlihat baik dan sehat serta mampu mengatasi semuanya bahkan saya jarang sakit. Saat ini detik ini saya mengetahui bahwa saya tidak lagi sehat dan saya membutuhkan perhatian juga dan saya sebelum menulis ini jiwa saya sedikit terganggu. Dan detik ini juga saya mbrambangi sambil menulis ini. Tapi beberapa bulan dan tahun ketika saya mendapatkan ibu tiri beliau mengerti sedikit keadaan saya yang tidak boleh begini begitukan, ibu tiri saya mengetahui bahwa saya pernah digoblok-goblokkan ayah saya karena saya tidak dapat mengerjakan fisika waktu itu walau saya mendapat ranking satu di smp padahal yang lain dapat dikatakan lebih tidak bisa daripada saya (maklum beliau lulusan S1 fisika). Perlahan namun pasti beliau mengetahui saya timpang dengan keadaan saya sampai saya sakit dan dibawa ke psikiater waktu SMA, menurut orang tua dan keluarga saya itu diakibatkan karena saya terlalu banyak aktivitas diluar jam sekolah. Sehingga saya menulis catatan di facebook tentang betapa bersyukurnya saya bahwa orang tua saya menginginkan yang terbaik untuk saya.

Saya rasa itu sudah cukup, saya tidak tahu sekarang yang mana yang lebih disayang ortu terutama ayah saya, saya tidak peduli berapa persen mereka menyayangi saya, yang penting mereka juga menyayangi saya dan menyadari bahwa saya membutuhkan mereka.

Kamis, 10 Juni 2010

I had fallen in love (with the same girl 3 times)

This is for a boy who love 3 girls in the same time, "I know that you confuse, I realize that you have fallen in love with 3 girls in the same time although you said you just love one of them." and he pretend,"But I have fallen in love with you 3 times in my life"

Christian Bautista ~ I Have Fallen In Love (With The Same Woman Three Times)

Get more songs & code at

Selasa, 08 Juni 2010

cerita masa ERRORISME

Karena liburan dan diary ku udah kututup untuk tahun ke tigaku di SMADA maka aku menulis di lepi hari selasa, 8 Juni 2010 pukul….. (sek tak liat sek) oh ya,3:57 siang.

Kuceritakan suatu masalah ketika aku sakit. Aku mengalami gejala errorisme, kenapa aku sebut begitu karena tipe-tipe yang mengalami sesuatu sama denganku akhirnya beranjak gila, serius ini gila beneran. Bahkan sampai aku bilang ke keluargaku “Nanti kayaknya aku sampai masuk PAKEM deh.” Begini curhat pertamaku sama dokternya atau psikiater :

Dokter: baik kamu mau cerita apa?

Aku :weh, gak tau

Dokter: terus ngapain kamu ke sini?

Aku: ya gak tau, tadi pokoknya ibu nyuruh aku ninggalin pelajaran terus ke sini

Dokter: ya sudah, apa yang kamu rasakan saat ini?

Aku: biasa saja

Dokter: pernah jatuh cinta?

Aku: pernah

Dokter: pernah punya pacar?

Aku: pernah

Dokter suara lain: saya tidak tau kamu

Dokter: berapa? (membenahkan kacamata)

Aku: Satu (sedikit tersinggung)

Dokter: terus sekarang?

Aku: jomblo

Dokter: kenapa putus?

Aku : ya ditinggal, dia sudah punya yang lain (hatiku mencelos ketika mengatakannya)

Dokter: apa yang kamu pikirkan saat ini?

Aku : kenapa semua nilaiku gak bisa seperti dulu lagi, knapa aku jatuh pada ranking
terakhir di kelasku

Dokter: menurutmu kenapa kamu bisa begitu, apa kamu jatuh cinta?

Aku: ya aku jatuh cinta , tapi gak biasanya aku sampai down begini tapi sayang rasa
berdesir itu gak ada lagi (jawabku jujur sekali)

Dokter: selain itu apa yang kamu pikirkan?

Aku: kayak banyak yang ngomongin aku seperti di sadap terus orang lain bisa tau pikiranku dari mana (kemudian aku menunjuk cewek yang nangis di depan psikiater yang lagi menanganinya, dia duduk di blakangku agak jauh dari pintu) tuh, kayak dia , dia tau apa yang bakal aku lakukan dengan pikiranku.

Cewek itu: huhuhuhu, nilai saya hancur semua, ranking saya jelek, rapot saya jelek…huhuhuhu hix

Aku: tuh kan dokter…mereka tau apa yang saya pikirkan.Mereka niruin saya. Tapi mereka lebay

Dokter: jadi kayak ada semacam antenna yang menyiarkan ke orang lain apa yang kamu pikirkan?

Aku: persisnya tidak seperti itu , kurasa ada ilmu khusus dokter. Dan ini berhubungan dengan genk di sekolah saya

Dokter: ilmu seperti apa?

Dokter suara lain: saya tau itu N******

Aku : eh salah ding dok, anggap saja memang ada seperti antenna yang menyiarkan semua pikiran saya, karena saya seperti artis sekarang bisa berbicara dengan televisi, dan tokoh di televisi itu menanggapi perkataan saya sama kadang orang lain bisa berbicara di otak saya.

Dokter: jadi kamu bisa berbicara dengan televisi?

Aku: bahkan saya bisa berbicara sama romo yang lagi khotbah dokter.

Dokter : (seraya mencatat di notesnya) apa ada pikiran yang lain?

Aku : kadang saya gak isa konsentrasi kalau guru nerangin, saya malah tidur.

Dokter: kalau begitu tidak ada masalah dengan tidur kamu? Kamu bisa tidur kalau malam?

Aku: ya…seperti manusia , tetep bisa tidur malah tidur awal, soalnya dulu tidurnya jam 2-4 pagi baru tidur buat nglembur tugas.

Dokter: oh bagus. Coba kamu berteman lebih banyak…

Aku : (menyela) oh iya dokter temen saya pada jauh dari saya, mereka ninggalin saya, kayaknya karena di sadap deh semua jadi kayak gini. Waktu ke sendang sono aja semua di blakang saya pada mbicarain saya. Mereka nyindir-nyindir saya dokter bahkan saya dengernya dokter juga punya dua suara. Ada lagi kalau malem tuh bangun-bangun kringetan semua kayak ada yang meraba-raba tubuh saya sekarang kalau saya tidur di kamar tidur saya dan jendela tidak dikunci serta pintu juga gak dikunci saya diraba-raba

Dokter suara lain: yang terakhir meraba kamu A******

Dokter: siapa kira-kira yang melakukan itu? Apa temanmu?

Aku: iya kayaknya dok, teman sekelas saya 3 orang

Dokter: ada yang kamu rasakan ketika diraba?

Aku: saya nggak sadar no dok, Cuma kadang-kadang saya sadar sedikit lalu liat sosok teman saya kemudian saya kembali tidur.

Dokter: ada keluhan lain ?

Aku: eh tadi kayaknya kita gak punya bahan pembicaraan kok jadi saya curhat ya..

Dokter: saya sarankan kamu ikut mudika untuk mengisi kegiatan kamu dan bersosialisasi sepertinya kelas tiga kamu tidak sibuk ya…?

Aku : Cuma pensi kok. Saya harus belajar keras karena nilai-nilai saya di ambang kematian

Dokter: syukurlah kamu sadar. Ada keluhan fisik?

Aku: tidak dok, saya sehat. (terlalu PD)

Dokter: iya saya lihat kamu langsing, berat kamu berapa?

Aku : 48-49 dok tinggi 160(waktu itu emang segitu)

Dokter: ada yang lain?

Aku : (geleng kepala)

Dokter: sudah selesai, saya mau berbicara dengan ibumu skarang.

Aku: makasih ya dok. (pergi dari tempat itu. Cewek tadi udah di luar dan udah gak nangis lagi)

Sekian curhatku dengan dokter, berangsur-angsur setelahnya aku dibawa 2 bulan atau sebulan sekali (ketika obatnya habis) ke RS.Sardjito dan bertemu dokter itu, tentunya kadang dokter yang ada saja yang menanganiku, tapi sekarang obatku sudah dikurangi dan tinggal satu obat wajib sehari sekali, kata dokter aku sudah membaik dan semakin lama suara-suara di otakku serta segala macam fantasi dan rasa berkeringat ketika bangun tidur sudah tidak ada lagi. Dan yah…..apakah itu fantasi semata atau yang kualami sebenarnya pun aku tak tahu aku hanya tahu aku dulu begitu sampai memohon kepada orangtuaku dirujuk ke psikiater. Aku tidak bohong . Dan salah satu dari 3 orang yang ‘meraba’ku dengan inisial D sebenarnya adalah cinta pertamaku dan entah itu sebenarnya atau tidak aku merasa pernah diputuskannya secara tiba-tiba, itu saja menurut suara lain salah seorang temanku.

Minggu, 06 Juni 2010

I just like you----postingan malam hari

bodoh sangat BODOH......ternyata si R***N ketemu di gereja Pu*****....
well, dy waktu di ALSA bilang mau ke Jakarta ke univ apa gitu...
ya .....ditinggal deh
jadi ya gitu, kemarennya uring-uringan tentang dia di facebook
pagi ini nulis dia di blog
eh sorenya ketemu
jadi deh gw speechless
orang' orangnya aja gak tau kalau gw suka....

how can it be like that
so complex
I know the way he look at me
when I look at him he always pretend like he don't care
so the happen just speechless
and he never realize if I was changing my heart
I like him
and I like the way he look at me

hahahahaha melllooooww banget ya
tapi itu yang terjadi..dia nggak akan pernah nyadar kalau gw suka sama dia. Mungkin sewaktu dy udah selesai sama kuliahnya pulang dari Jakarta bawa cewek...
ya udah untung masih sekedar suka ...
n' wallnya di fb gak pernah di jawab dy tentang nilai TOEFLnya brapa, ya udah
I just like you

THIS ALL POST BELONG TO YOU althoughyoudidn'tknowit

Hai! long time no see, long time no chat at least I write this to you, although my grammar isn't good but I want always write on you again, because such a very very long time I am not opening this site.
perjuangan maret ku akhirnya berjalan tak terduga, sesuai yang tertulis di facebook. Aku akhirnya masuk kehutanan ugm dan aku sekarang libur panjang. Yang terjadi padanya, dia sudah jatuh cinta pada orang lain yang lebih muda dariku. Dan sekarang that you know, I'm single and very happy seberapapun aku berteriak di kamar mandi waktu itu seperti:

I don't know exactly I love him or not
but after he had fallen in love with the other girl
there's no feeling jealousy in me
there's no feeling I want to kill that girl
there's no feeling I want he done with her
there's no feeling I give up to reach something
and I didn't cry that time
but now my heart feel tired
after I see someone , call him R**N and we met at ALSA UGM
and he didn't respond me
he didn't remember my name
he didn't realize I was sitting beside him
and it flew away again (my love)
he belong to someone else too

ya cerita ini berakhir dengan cepat setelah aku diliatin cowok di foodcourt ugm dan gw malu maluin banget waktu aku kehilangan kunci motor eh gak taunya pak parkirnya yang bawa tuh kunci. Syukurlah.
sekian cerita cintaku yang gak menarik blas...
beratku udah 62 dan nih pipi tembem banget plus nih badan berisi sekali...GEMUK
setelah itu aku mau nulis gini

after this all I want to give up to look for a man
after this all I let the hand of GOD working
after this all I will study hard to get the best score again
after this all I want recover myself
after this all I always have a plan
after this all I want to write every story in my life
even I'm not forget my love
I still love him although he never never realize it
I still want a love come to me
I am not looking for but I am loving a man
that's it

yap......skarang aku mau yang terbaik buat semua orang terutama keluargaku yang menjaga dan menasehati ku setiap waktu sampek aku disuruh nulis tentang demokrasi oleh bapakku untu bisa dapet beasiswa ke luar negri, tapi sayangnya karanganku gak nyambung dengan demokrasi ya udah, apalagi pake bahasa inggris....tau kan sejak aku gak belajar inggris lagi semua inggriku kacau balau kemarin aja ijazah smaku cuma dapet 8 dan TOEFL ku cuma dapet 433 padahal target ke luar negri 580, nah lo modyar sudah

long as you know, I wrote on this blog are mostly to one man who did not care anymore!!!!!!!

Kamis, 07 Januari 2010

aku dan dirinya

I realized there is something new in my heart and I knew that I started to falling in love
gini pertama gw suka aja gitu ngliat dia main-main sama bola trus kranjingan ampe ada cerita gw diem-diem ngefans ma dy, eh tapi ni y di luar gw curhat gw gak suka tipe dy gw benci dy dari gaya, sikap ampe hobinya yang gak isa bw tekunin. Sampe kita yang sesahabatan emang stuju gak suka sama dy. Tpi ternyata dy pinter-pinter aja nih, utek ada, potensi, osis, aktif, oke. Gw sombong abis isa masuk 3 besar kelas. gw kedampar klas 2 dy msuk 10 besar paralel, gw 30-an sekelas. Dy gonta-ganti pacar gitu. Tpi anehnya sobat gw ngerti gw suka ma dy, gw juga curhat sama temen sebangku gw, gw kena track ma dy dri klas satu,
eh temen gw bilang klo udah nduga dy ada apa-apanya sama gw.
Tpi nih aneh lagi nih co sukanya ke kelas gw gitu gatau jga ngapain dy muter-muterin gw. . .

@least aku nyerah buat dapetin dia, dianya ternyata gak serius sama skali, gonta-ganti pacar terus, rasa berdesir kalau ada dia terpaksa aku abaikan, dan itu hanya muncul sesekali, although I can't forgot him, maybe . . . aku udah gak ikut-ikutan lagi deh

mungkin he is not mine .
dan lagu BOHONG nya pp aku mencintaimu...
itu bohong ternyata. ya udah goodbye for my memories.