my quotes

'life is like a puzzle need one another to make a complete picture that's why this life so perfect'


'knowledge cannot replace friendship, I'd rather be an idiot than lose you'
-Patrick to Spongebob-

Kamis, 23 Oktober 2014

it's always it. Not proper

12.01 p.m
Babarsari internet cafe...

I am still sitting here while nothing can do.. waiting a film downloaded while traveling into cyber space, while waiting for miracle comes.

 I wrote many things in my mind actually, but after I wrote it once, I deleted it twice. Is that so empty in my mind right now.? Is that too problematic to open our secret. Is that too secret to published.

These last days were full of emotion, maybe something, somewhere, someone moves out slowly, or maybe faster than I thought before. Do you know? like the people society began wider? many groups built and like we know. They make an unconditional situation, maybe better known as non-conducive (this is such a new vocab for my brain dictionary). People were such fool persons because they were just influencing other people to do violence. what's the benefit?

Actually, no refuse of grouping people, no defend of creating idea. but let's think twice what better idea it should be. Firstly, here is I want to share of my activity, but I thought people are grumbling and taking a control of my rubbish. 

Do you know? a person in my village named Joko Pekik held some competition of photography and writing essay (if it were true). I knew it was like the development of a place. but it's so eh... because his place is not strategic. really down town. the people who apply for this event and creating a new idea were separated and different with one of the trouble maker. 

The news are just too over and society responds it too fast. We don't know the  issue and, it scared me for a while and it is like a ghost of night.

The positive one: if they make the group purposed of violence, it's good for health, the negative one, if they make a group for fun, it's good for mood. 

Do you know? I made a trouble for the statement before. Is it make sense? anyone can tell me, is this real or not? because she is still sleeping.

It's enough! test test?! 

Selasa, 23 September 2014

It's just



I'm doing fine. Like yesterday, two days ago, and long long ago.. After a week got break from reality and healed my soul. I woke up and found myself had to fulfill my stomach. Unfortunately, because The time was too late, I got sick and began heal my self again. Oh my God, which one was sick? Whether my nose, my stomach, or my blood? It were all blending and made me took a rest.

After took a rest, I was tired. After tired, I was hungry, After hungry, I was tired, After tired, I got to sleep, After slept, I went to the campus, and made my self busy. Actually and so true, that I was only turning around my campus and met everybody like anybody.

It's just a commercial break for this entry. I didn't know how I got this word, it called 'fighting' and I got a sentence. (well, Guys, the wifi is off.. I get to break from this post, see you soon! Ehm, miscommunication, It's not). The sentence consists of two language and it were English and Indonesia. it's disgusting, but normal. 'kapan nyampe end nya kalau to be continued terus'. 

I won't tell what had been happened to me, it's just like keywords. 

Career is a word and it's like a future happen to us. Career is a process from bottom to top. Career is a name tag. 
A career is an individual's journey through learning, work and other aspects of life. There are a number of ways to define a career and the term is used in a variety of ways.
What's career? Shall we own our career? Does career help us? It's like a name of bag type.. haha, Too many advertisement of career in newspaper. Let's thinking, if there's so many unemployment why is that the advertiser is still advertising their advertisement? It's like why's the job seeker couldn't find their job? There are many jobs but no one applies for the job vacancy?

Advertisement was waste the time, the paper for billboard, the paper for newspaper. Is that because too many products, then there would be a competition to gain costumer? Once again it won't gain costumer as well, instead of competition to make the advertisement. 

There after, I saw along the street that one brand of the shop turned to be other brand new shop. It's just because the products could not be sold.The rest, what about the unemployment? It's just confusing. 

To be lazy is a character, it's not a job. like, I want to be lazy! the right is I want to be doctor! It's just I'm lazy!

Kamis, 14 Agustus 2014

socialitation.. SOCIAL BEHAVE

Hi everybody!

This is something like 'must thing to do' to write on you.
I was just confuse to several programs. then.. I made it simple. 
I was making verbal education on forestry, and it was just one time. I didn't take photo and moreover I didn't know who's there that time. I meant the participant. even more, it was just suddenly happen.
and now I am really lazy to make it again. 

Second, I made leaflet. yeaaah my friend asked me to make it. actually, they commanded me to hold meeting, for explain something. well. I was confuse, beside I am too lazy and spend much money to make a meeting, and difficulties of gathering participant, so.. I entered an original meeting to share some information. for the rest I didn't know whether they read their leaflet by  the title' pemberdayaan kelompok tani' or not.

It's just make me tired for a while, and my body became weaker than usual. I got sick.. don't know about now. just yesterday. but.. my friends really helpful , they did their programs well..

I want to share some more but I do think, it's not the right time. well PHR 'Penyuluhan Hutan Rakyat' made me hopeless. why is that? because it's just suddenly accident verbal presentation. -________-

At the first, maximum confuse reached well. in the middle.. less confuse. at the end.. I don't know. starting point of coordination. I don't know.. what now? just programs-programs- and programs.. hihihi..

Minggu, 27 Juli 2014

What I did for two weeks. Live in JUWONO, TRIHARJO, PANDAK

Hi world! It's been a long time to not writing in here. I got many surprises everyday. although it're not like surprise for birthday etc..

Since two weeks ago we live in a village (actually not that far from home), We do an activity to live in . We live together there and do some activities to develop that place. Firstly, I got no idea to do something good there. But yeah, show must go on, then Iwas trying to make an innovation to build that village, but in special sector. haha.. of course few of them, the environment.

I was so confuse what I would do before. But as the time went on, I started to hang the ring for basketball, plant the seed, make a hole for absorb the water.

Actually, around those arrangement activities I did not find any space to do my activities, so I prefer to steal some times to do that with a random mood. Yeaaah.. really excited . excited . excited.

I got some photos of those, not that many, but it can show you how beautiful living together in a village.. hihihi... It's just guilty, because some activities lack of my camera. It's just because I was too over. 

Ehm.. eh sorry, some problems happened so I could not upload my photos. My family there consists  of  Pak Dukuh, Bu Dukuh, The child, their son, and my friends. We are nine, 4 boys and 5 girls. haha..

First came in,  we have been accepted by Camat, and started to arrange the LRK (PLANNING), follow some daily activities like meeting.

For me, I did not understand the things  which I should do. so I began sleep longer than usual. then I realized I got three musketeers there, so for me, for being so relax and enjoy are  my priority. wkwkwk..

They did their programs and finish it right on time. (because I'm happy - sing)

My first program was sharing the filter for water. It's not that good.. I thought , but I still continued that thing. MUST DONE. I did not sure before, but yeaah, they accompanied me to visit some people there. although it was not finish yet. I began do that for the second time for other region in day two.The happen was considering the wide range of region -__________- provided to be repaired. I was imagining shall I make my programs for all region?!

There is a river there, small river. emmm.. like a canal.  (to clean the river I want to pour all kaporit (I don't know the english)  and filtering all water there ) It's such a hell activity. No one agree, and the government would put me in jail. 

The advantages of using the filter and chemist thing is  killing the bacteria and clean the water. just it. next ..go to the next page.

Second, I plant the seed. start from seed to seedling. It took 4 days of seed  to grow. and next day, replace with polybag from tray. I did it alone . haha.. I confuse, to teach the other persons. Too lazy, because some meeting I have missed. 

 It's water spinach seed. I say it in Indonesia as kangkung. It includes to vegetable. but I did not know which sector I should choose. so I chose  gardening sector for that.

Third, I hanged the basketball ring, haha.. not tragic story . the ring fell off  and hit my head. I was in pale awhile. but it did not matter, because I was not attacked by fever or some scary happens.
I need three days to finish it, First day, fail, the kids use it unkindly, Second day, fail, the reason still the same.. Third day... I make it happen. I finish it by nailing it. 

The other day, I brought the ball, basketball. and the kids play it fun.

Fourth, HAHAHAHAHA.. I dig the ground and make a hole. Purpose to make biopori hole for absorb the water.. supposed prevent the water flooded. I did it in an area, the same with the plant and the basketball ring., so funny.. 
I had no idea.. none told me how..  I did it my self. and finish it my self. and its done...

I just want to make a meeting with farmer and explain what's going on to the village.

It's just not happen yet.
I hope I can finish this live in activity as soon as possible. Possible happen.. Mission impossible. 0_0 by the way I hate my emoticon. really.

Just that what I can tell., I hate this. I'm gonna love this if finished already.

Sabtu, 17 Mei 2014

title: YOLO You Only Live Online

Now, I feel 'want to pup'
I have written many things in my head, here. Being so selfish makes me more selfish. I was writing story, or any quote, any bubble, any essay, any task, any assignment, but it was just about me, what else? I thought that I wrote these all just for my self. Don't you see? no one commented on this blog, mean while they were stalking. I judge my essay did not finish anything. From out sight I feel that no one knows this blog, no one notice, no one feels disturbed, no one even realized I was here. Till this time I am stingy my self, I posted, began writing on my social network, began asking many persons, but I  am still alone. They were with me but I was alone. They were there, but they were only watching at me. 

It is rain, It had been two days in dry days. This is not the right time to write my piques , This is not the right time to post some entries. Although this is not the right time, I am still loyal to you. Hey, blog will you just save my story? will you not tell everybody? No , of course. But yeah, as you may know I am on this earth and was born to do something. I believe on that. I believe I have something to contribute to develop anything. I said anything because I  have no something. I have something but it means nothing. They were not noticed. I hate this earth. What does this life mean? Rarely, I feel I am nothing. I only make some messy stuff, broke it and did not mend it again. 

I feel I am stuck in my time but I am growing up. It seemed the world stopped spinning for awhile. But the sun went up and down so quick, and the days change to other day. This second, I confuse for what I wrote before. No reason again. I confuse for what I wrote for what I thought. 

I always felt alone. But I did not want to be disturbed. I want to be alone. I thought that this what my self born. We were not born to die. Just a second, I really feel I was writing a suddenly thinking quote. 

Usually, I opened my entry with some greetings, with 'I don't know what I am gonna tell'. It almost happened. But I have written it again. For real, This morning I woke up in a fresh mind. I went down and cleaned my rabbit's cage, cleaned my hamster cage, and feed my fish. Firstly, I didn't want to share my daily activities. It seemed private. Sometimes, I want to tell every body, what I have done. but there's many things had not been done.  Like I told you, sometimes we left something unsaid no-repaired. Responsibility comes when you've done to worked on something. I want to tell my self to take responsible to what I've done. To make it all good, maybe as good as possible. 

I've found a word that is totally good, 'responsible'. As we grow up, not only in physics, but also in attitude. We take a risk to do something and going on our life. Sometimes, I feel regret, because something we've done, did not make a good result. Like my semester before. It looked like I was in front of the mirror and faced that's real me and it is not good enough. 

Just a commercial break. " What will you do when you have a spend more time? when you want to build your self?"

Even though it was not connected. But I made a better connection between these all phrase. It were only my thinking. Maybe it was not satisfying enough. It's regret. Responsible to what you say, what you write, what you've done. Wish all people build their character like this. Starting from our self first then influence the others, I feel I want to. I hate this lonely, I'm with you. We are not alone. We are going to make this lonely to be done. 

Kamis, 08 Mei 2014


It is noisy...
I got many problems, such as money, nose, and acne's scars.

I listened to songs that sometimes I hate most. Right now, I am ugly. I was ugly and listened to Who said you're not beauty by selena gomez. It was actually a rather late song. 

Why is that? I get acne's scars on my cheek. Well.. when I was at high school.. It's actually problematic and so is now.
I don't need to show it because it's really disgusting.

I got nose bleed. and it's related to acne in dangerous triangle of face. Dangerous triangle consists of upper lips, around nose and the nose it self.  That triangle is danger because when we feel itchy on that place and our hands feel guilty and then do some unnecessary thing, that would be a problem, because the veins and artery become explode and the blood would come out. Well.. can't explain clearly about it.

What about the money. Money is here really important. like fourth paragraph before I did unimportant thing. I don't like this feeling guys. It's so hot because of the weather, changing season I thought. Every my entry speaks about money. Money is too fragile to talk about.

Right now..I just hope to several things. Mentioned on my desktop. Those are my wish list. although to admit many times I talked about it, it's still constantly walking by working.

As your permit ,Sir...
No better promises than prays.

Enggg... I want to be lower

Senin, 14 April 2014


I stuck at the moment

This social media gave an unexpected journey trough the cyber space. Seems it's so far now. It has been 22 years, and she was the same. It was only few days, and the world told us, we stopped writing poem together.

There are two ways to the death, choosing the difficult one, or the easy ones. She never told me a story of being teenager, she told me about my mother but it wasn't that much.

She came to my town for the last time, and she called my phone for the last time. Exactly at my birthday....

No one accompanied my loneliness, maybe, excepted her.

Days begin as usual now. when the world brave to write ...

Hey, old lady...

Haven't dreamed about her.. yeaaah. nothing for the last time.. well we kept in touch really often.
My story might be shocked her a little, didn't know what talked about, didn't know what words to be said.

she was old.

but now she is invisible to be seen. couldn't touch her anymore.
 Notes for the old lady, scared most, loose by lightning bright. these were rubbish, these were rubbish. really hate these.

Here is note for old lady. we have promised, haven't us? heaven. to be rest in peace . really rest in peace.

Minggu, 30 Maret 2014

CASM -CASM-si- e-es-em... CASM!


bahasa inggris sih judulnya, praktikum paling mumet

A climate change to be adult

uhuk uhuk!
uhuk uhuk uhuk!

It did not mean I have a boyfriend, maybe it sounds disgusting but yeaaah It is truly my feeling. More jet lag that I shall make a thesis for undergraduate program.

Once again, It did not mean I was sleepless.

Have we promised to do not use 'I' in here?
I thought not, because my rabbits began smarter and healthier, It was not connected, I meant 'I' here is me.

These last days I only stay in my home, doing nothing except confuse of my study. I use some words to pull you read my rubbish.

FOR being so honest, I am happy, yes can be. Because my whole week is spent to have fun by my self because at the end of this march means so much to me. MY BIRTHDAY. 

Do you know? I got many presents, I counted it as three big presents.

It was also my sister birthday. she got many things as me of course, and funnier thing is I gave her. she gave me. It did not becoming a rubbish for my blog. Well, some statuses mentioned a 'blog' should be updated. I think it normally understood that I am here, writing my balloon in my mind supposes to be exploded.

By the way, caps lock for  FOR as FOUR...Meaningful.

Moreover, about me... clearly available in my social network..

and further I don't know what I was talking about.

Rabu, 12 Februari 2014

Love story 14-2-14 it is not smack down!

Many times writing will not describe  how rude this life.

No, no, no.
Long time I have not been traveling to faraway places, I have no money. Honestly, I have, but I use it to another study works which I have to fulfill.

It was clearly written here, how my life rolled. I didn't regret, I don't regret, I won't regret. As usual, I am only staying at home. It has many reasons but I won't make it a length explanation.

You, yes you, can say that I'm the one who is mad, crazy, insane or who drown my pique up. It is true then. You are right. People say this world confusing, so do I. People say this world so cruel, and me too. If people say how beautiful this life, I will say neither me. At least right now.

Yeah, I got lesson from my course long ago, and something reminded me to use it in my sentence. Once again, it wasn't my fault.

I discussed about my GPA, lectures, lecturer. but I have not shared my relation to people around me. You knew I have been treated by my medicine until now, I have always been going to hospital for therapy. But yeah, A thing I can't share to my psychiatrist is many voices I have heard. If I was truly desperate and stress, I think I would say it to her.

She is a woman, yeah a moslem. She is young and has a fair clean skin. I told that my mom said that I was too much laughing, I know. My psychiatrist said if I laughed because the memory that I thought at that time it didn't matter, but if it was as often as now, she believed it  is a little guilty.

By the way I was pending my mumble because I had to go to outside looking for a fresh sight. I am young, although with no friend, for this moment indeed.

Before I continue, I went to that place purpose to watch movie, but yes the time has passed me by. I missed a film titled ' 7 misi rahasia sophie' (seven sophie's secret missions) hihi.  I considered a shop that recently opened and it was Ace, my sister looked for a wall clock from that shop. And you have to know, highly price is offered there. I doubt about it.

I bought chocolate, nothing, just because it is almost valentine. IT IS BECAUSE 14-2-14. Fourteen two fourteen. it is good number and good meaning.

By the way, at the time before I told something, about my brotherhood of forestry faculty, he was the head from one of my organization in campus  (two decades before this) who had a girlfriend in the same organization and she was my classmate.  Firstly, I thought that she was the one whom he crushed with. Well... I think this blog hacked. Even so, my readers, actually it weren't only you steady ready to read my blog. It was already deleted. I repeated to write it again. If it is not, well, might be it wasn't saved already.

Sometime it was not corruption, collusion, nepotism. Sometimes, it was not field study as a long form of KKN in Indonesian. but it was truly politic. I am really sorry, I open it now, because I have sacrificed my time, my energy, my money for this organization. But I really admit my God doesn't let me to ridicule my own organization. I'm just sorry my God. I text and told my sister that the girlfriend was random. I am really sorry. But after she got break to his boyfriend. Before this I got many gossips.

Maybe I was the one to blamed to. I am sorry. Bullying was exist from senior to amateur, from friends to friends. I think my friends were only joking, but yeaah they good but worst. good but worse, good is good. I don't know. I was there at that time, I quit  from my job  as treasurer. it replaced with the girlfriend before they broke up. Then, after they broke up, they played music together in the same band, my organization band, I was there and watched it. Thereafter, the first day of meeting in my organization, the girlfriend held birthday party, as my grateful, I gave her present. I just knew that he got a birthday present from his boyfriend, a piggy's doll. It seemed big! That truly the same as the three decades head of my organization favorite. It was not connected I think.

I will not discuss about voice here. I knew from the girlfriend that they broke up. And for the sake of young people. Recently, I knew that the master liked her too, and she liked the master. It was confusing. They won a basketball competition, they celebrated in the master's house. But the head a decade before this asked me to celebrate in my house. I had rejected it. For the sake of my GPA! I thought they ridiculed me. Maybe I am stupid, but not that stupid. and now he is my group head of practicum while he always asked my money to pay his study. I am sorry. My bad mind is really in worst condition. The worst thing that................. he always call me for a help and worst thing I should do my practicum. If I failed do that, I will rather dying.......

The worst and stupidest thing, The head of my group text me to have lunch together with friends using his coupons but he gave it to others friends. I cried even though they did not see it. Maybe the reason why I still single just because I confuse all the time.

A love story, I thought that my group head  liked her too, and now she is a local actress. The worst thing my GPA was going down. maybe that was the reason. Truly reason. And who am I? The one whom to touch to. the one of the stupid beauty creatures after someone else. Who am I there? I don't know. Actually, I have no reason to cry, no reason to angry. No prove.

After that the love story is not finish yet. I like some boys, After I said to them that I loved them, They had had a girlfriend, right at that time. It seems funny, very funny. I got an analyzes for this, because they found my weakness, they were being such a jerk, they would leave me. Unfortunately, they left me before they say they like me. I said that, but either did they.

If I find any stone, any wall, any stick, I won't give up. Well I think to get peace. This world is confusing, as love story. love grows from eyes to heart, first I believe it. Well I don't know about love. I have not fallen in endless love. No story better than love story. I think love will always find an end. As far as now I find many loves around us. Just to be wise, although not truly wise.

Well. You know when I am writing on my blog this time, many persons ridicule me, believe it or not. I realize not all of us good. They can be worst sometimes.

Hey, by the way.... 

I want to share that love is addict. it makes us to gain, gain, gain and gain. Once taste it will always be there maybe it has been gone but the scars is still there. I'm sure. 

About love again, other love is like I love my mom. I think, like the books said that we can be changed just because one love accident. 

Rabu, 05 Februari 2014

She gets ill, she gets a thesis syndrome

Here is the News! Check It out!

Hi! Bloggers, I use this kind informal greetings words. I wouldn't discuss how the weather's going so bad, or an earthquake happened till other natural disaster came.

Actually I feel sad of the happens but I feel suffer to my self because several happens. maybe I hate my portal, hate my GPA, and those were my daily dose of happens. My world has gone badly and oh my eyes oh my heart because we have realized something that a-huh .

Why me? And a complaint comes from me, I am complaining because I shall pass my study and really has a great spirit to finish my study while scores on lowest grade. My expectation was too high and admit it.

Sometimes when I wrote my piques, well.. it seem disgusting. While I rode my motorcycle a thinking such as I had thought when I was child I has never thought that look for a soul mate is really difficult, I thought it was as simple as eating. (became fat not my priority). The best thing is I can admit my weakness. The worst thing is my GPA made me look odd and stupid.

Well a statement, easy come easy go, probably right. Why is that? we have a reason for this, because remember if it is hard to get something it will be hard to let go. If a love works, I will swear my self to keep it.

So the story telling was like, "a quote, that a person who always studies and thinks will be wiser, I don't use my time to think, that's why I wasn't a wise person."

We will!

Ok. Forestry, a short word. 
Forestry. Ok. thinks wood
to make a won

What a must thing to do this year! THESIS!
THESIS IS COMING SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From Yogyakarta, reported

Minggu, 26 Januari 2014

not far from a song

26th January 2014

Updating blog

Ready to open in 3 seconds.

Guys absolutely weird for long time I did not write something here. Maybe this diary online is out of date. But for me, when I still remember my username and password maybe I write longer.
Because I have so many reasons to continue my writing world so, I'm here.

We do not know what destiny is until we passed on something. And 'pass' doesn't mean we have successful, maybe we failed on something. Well, I sang many songs these last times (hour, day, week, month, year -red). I searched something in  google, a song lyric by destiny child.. but not found. and I stopped my self to look for it. Well beyonce, I thought it was one of them, and most songs which are available there, unknown by me. dot.

As you may know, I didn't finish my study yet, 15 credits more, D score, and GPA for requirements. No, not that hard if I walk slowly but sure, and I will save this quote in my mind to finish my study. 

I was going down to go to the bathroom and saw my rabbits with non sense face mood so, I called them cupid. Hehe.. It is worth it. Cupid:

In classical mythology, Cupid (Latin Cupido, meaning "desire") is the god of desire, erotic love, attraction and affection. He is often portrayed as the son of the love goddess Venus, and is known in Latin also as Amor ("Love")

mmm.. not mean.. because they are too adorable (-__-") 

what about my drugs?
  1. I frequently go to hospital to buy it
  2. it was including for fever and stomachace
  3. and yeah for sore throat
  4. my schizophrenia hmm... still stable
Take a breath and release it for awhile. 

much things to do, life is insane without me, but more insane with me. 

Knowledge, it is different, guys. if we answered a question and not correct it means as we know. but when we answered correctly, it's based on theory. Eng.. imagine if a person tell us how to do or reach something, a suggestion to reach the goal. there will be something different from us to step. because our way, will be our way. A motivator is encourage us, but to step its our own way.

People are different. I discussed about jobs with my parents at that night. Many plans to get a job. Consider on a case that planning sometimes makes us regret, therefore spontaneously maybe more exciting. We will see that!

Something guilty about different, We have no case about the same. The same because we are breathing in the same atmosphere. we are breathing of the air. 

:) - good

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