Many times writing will not describe how rude this life.
No, no, no.
Long time I have not been traveling to faraway places, I have no money. Honestly, I have, but I use it to another study works which I have to fulfill.
It was clearly written here, how my life rolled. I didn't regret, I don't regret, I won't regret. As usual, I am only staying at home. It has many reasons but I won't make it a length explanation.
You, yes you, can say that I'm the one who is mad, crazy, insane or who drown my pique up. It is true then. You are right. People say this world confusing, so do I. People say this world so cruel, and me too. If people say how beautiful this life, I will say neither me. At least right now.
Yeah, I got lesson from my course long ago, and something reminded me to use it in my sentence. Once again, it wasn't my fault.
I discussed about my GPA, lectures, lecturer. but I have not shared my relation to people around me. You knew I have been treated by my medicine until now, I have always been going to hospital for therapy. But yeah, A thing I can't share to my psychiatrist is many voices I have heard. If I was truly desperate and stress, I think I would say it to her.
She is a woman, yeah a moslem. She is young and has a fair clean skin. I told that my mom said that I was too much laughing, I know. My psychiatrist said if I laughed because the memory that I thought at that time it didn't matter, but if it was as often as now, she believed it is a little guilty.
By the way I was pending my mumble because I had to go to outside looking for a fresh sight. I am young, although with no friend, for this moment indeed.
Before I continue, I went to that place purpose to watch movie, but yes the time has passed me by. I missed a film titled ' 7 misi rahasia sophie' (seven sophie's secret missions) hihi. I considered a shop that recently opened and it was Ace, my sister looked for a wall clock from that shop. And you have to know, highly price is offered there. I doubt about it.
I bought chocolate, nothing, just because it is almost valentine. IT IS BECAUSE 14-2-14. Fourteen two fourteen. it is good number and good meaning.
By the way, at the time before I told something, about my brotherhood of forestry faculty, he was the head from one of my organization in campus (two decades before this) who had a girlfriend in the same organization and she was my classmate. Firstly, I thought that she was the one whom he crushed with. Well... I think this blog hacked. Even so, my readers, actually it weren't only you steady ready to read my blog. It was already deleted. I repeated to write it again. If it is not, well, might be it wasn't saved already.
Sometime it was not corruption, collusion, nepotism. Sometimes, it was not field study as a long form of KKN in Indonesian. but it was truly politic. I am really sorry, I open it now, because I have sacrificed my time, my energy, my money for this organization. But I really admit my God doesn't let me to ridicule my own organization. I'm just sorry my God. I text and told my sister that the girlfriend was random. I am really sorry. But after she got break to his boyfriend. Before this I got many gossips.
Maybe I was the one to blamed to. I am sorry. Bullying was exist from senior to amateur, from friends to friends. I think my friends were only joking, but yeaah they good but worst. good but worse, good is good. I don't know. I was there at that time, I quit from my job as treasurer. it replaced with the girlfriend before they broke up. Then, after they broke up, they played music together in the same band, my organization band, I was there and watched it. Thereafter, the first day of meeting in my organization, the girlfriend held birthday party, as my grateful, I gave her present. I just knew that he got a birthday present from his boyfriend, a piggy's doll. It seemed big! That truly the same as the three decades head of my organization favorite. It was not connected I think.
I will not discuss about voice here. I knew from the girlfriend that they broke up. And for the sake of young people. Recently, I knew that the master liked her too, and she liked the master. It was confusing. They won a basketball competition, they celebrated in the master's house. But the head a decade before this asked me to celebrate in my house. I had rejected it. For the sake of my GPA! I thought they ridiculed me. Maybe I am stupid, but not that stupid. and now he is my group head of practicum while he always asked my money to pay his study. I am sorry. My bad mind is really in worst condition. The worst thing that................. he always call me for a help and worst thing I should do my practicum. If I failed do that, I will rather dying.......
The worst and stupidest thing, The head of my group text me to have lunch together with friends using his coupons but he gave it to others friends. I cried even though they did not see it. Maybe the reason why I still single just because I confuse all the time.
A love story, I thought that my group head liked her too, and now she is a local actress. The worst thing my GPA was going down. maybe that was the reason. Truly reason. And who am I? The one whom to touch to. the one of the stupid beauty creatures after someone else. Who am I there? I don't know. Actually, I have no reason to cry, no reason to angry. No prove.
After that the love story is not finish yet. I like some boys, After I said to them that I loved them, They had had a girlfriend, right at that time. It seems funny, very funny. I got an analyzes for this, because they found my weakness, they were being such a jerk, they would leave me. Unfortunately, they left me before they say they like me. I said that, but either did they.
If I find any stone, any wall, any stick, I won't give up. Well I think to get peace. This world is confusing, as love story. love grows from eyes to heart, first I believe it. Well I don't know about love. I have not fallen in endless love. No story better than love story. I think love will always find an end. As far as now I find many loves around us. Just to be wise, although not truly wise.
Well. You know when I am writing on my blog this time, many persons ridicule me, believe it or not. I realize not all of us good. They can be worst sometimes.
Hey, by the way....
I want to share that love is addict. it makes us to gain, gain, gain and gain. Once taste it will always be there maybe it has been gone but the scars is still there. I'm sure.
About love again, other love is like I love my mom. I think, like the books said that we can be changed just because one love accident.