my quotes

'life is like a puzzle need one another to make a complete picture that's why this life so perfect'


'knowledge cannot replace friendship, I'd rather be an idiot than lose you'
-Patrick to Spongebob-

Sabtu, 16 Desember 2017

I am cute (I know)

7:26 a.m

Why is so this morning?

Morning people!
Greeting from me at my bed. I want to make some of my arguments seem straight. I mean I am a normal person. Like boy loves girl and girl loves boy.

These nowadays, My sister and I had a talk about so many things, our family, our career path, our plan, and also our love. I don't want to publish many of it, I just want to tell readers something straight. That I am not in love right now, although I admit I still look for a person to accompany for the rest of my life. I mean, I also still look for a job that suitable for me ( besides all problems behind me with my previous companies ). Without people say I am a miserable human with no mate and job. I think I still have a proud to still live.


My current activity is blogging and surfing the social media or internet, maybe that is the reason for so many uncomfortable happens with my previous company. I could not tell personally person what happened to me before I posted it on social media. Right now, I have realized that human come first before I talked to cyber space. It is easier right now that enemy sometimes comes first than a friend.

I know that people normally would understand what happened to other person but accepting that happens finds difficulty. Firstly, I want to tell you what bothered me most of my illness, this sick is not about physical appearance or physical abusive thing, not also physical illness. Okay, to make it clear, I am in the low dose of medicine that required for this sickness, its cost 250.000 rupiahs every treatment or therapy. Well, for common people, this number of money is too much. After that, I disturbed by voices. Those voices followed me until right now, somehow it has turned off and on sometimes. But when I rode my motorbike it sounds louder.

Secondly, even though I am not in love. I am not a gay or maybe lesbian. I say it right now with my current happen and situation. I maybe like boys as other girls who love boys (as it used to be). But, I thought I don't need to publish the person here, because it is intentionally secret for you.  

Third, I can drive but I only bring my car out occasionally, it means only once a week, most of it our family rent a driver. The driver is only rented when we go in an average far distance.

Fourth, I want to be quiet in social media or internet, but it seemed never happen. Because I live in millenials era, which every person is now, can't live without internet, so it seems very impossible.

Fifth, I AM GETTING FAT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.. It is a disaster!

I could not push the brake for my own self, so, I believe even though I am being quiet in internet for awhile it would not be so long, I might appear again someday.

Minggu, 12 November 2017

_FF____ (eFForts)


10:10 a.m
Indonesian Time zone
GMT +7

No meant for that. I'm happy to write here again. I have been busy on doing some messy stuffs for my life. Although it were not all necessary. You must be curious and really want to ask question why I am being introvert for a while?

Well.. These nowadays I am still struggle to look for some activities that raised money. Because I am being more realistic that I couldn't live with (out) money. Hey, clearly my Dad and Mom have always been grumpy to me when they just saw me were not doing anything at home. Like a lazy person in a cage. Don't mean cossette .. hehe (my bird is tweeting right now when I am mentioning her).

I had read so many books just to gain some knowledge of motivation to our selves. Do you know? The book told me to do something to maybe mingling, to be success, to raise money. I have to admit that the books sometimes were right. Books of motivation told me to be an independent woman. If we can employee ourselves why couldn't we employee other people. That's what books told me (more or less).

Independent woman doesn't mean that we ruled some abilities that we couldn't do. It's also meant we actually could pay ourselves.That's the point. My parents always told me about this. Because all women in our family have to work. And that rules also ruined in my blood. I meant besides my laziness and all problems would not be limitation to people to work. 

For me, everything is now needing so many efforts. Firstly, I have to work, Second, I should have a boyfriend, Third, If it is possible, I'll get my self on master degree. Fourth, If it is possible, I'll also buy home and car. Fifth, If it is possible also, I get my self married and having kids. Sixth, If it is possible beyond all possible I would have a business. Seventh, I would traveling around the world. 
But... If it are only imagination, I would graving my self on sorrows.

Huh.. all things that I wanted in this life need effort. all things that I wanted been doing on my first step right now. But I realized after I graduated the truly adventures had just begun. 

My problems were not only one. It were involved with my communication to other people, how motivation worked on me, on how I handled my all projects, on how I finish one by one my deadline, on how I managed my social activity, on how I hold my self to keep on fighting.

It were all problems that I should finish one by one.  Including number eight the things I need, that was I recovered and healed from S _H_Z_P_R_N_A (how does it sound clearly to me right now ? )

Hmmmm.. you are right we couldn't stop the time. I am only slowly walk on the time and doing my step.. Good luck to me!


Minggu, 10 September 2017

Daily Inspiration Bomb!

14:31 p.m
Indonesian Timezone
GMT +7

Hi! I wondered how beautiful this life is. I want to share some photos again with this blog. I'm not actually sure what it is for. I meant I took several pictures in my yard and yet, although all my flowers died, two of them are still alive.. wkwk..


Check it out ! Pals!

Orchid's Buds

Mangoes (Mangifera Indica). For mangoes were just another story that the fruits grew bigger than usual. Xixi..

George, my new bunny who turned one year old this year. Wow and it is so wow!

Bugs. OMG, I can't stop my heart beat if remember that he is already 5.

Cossette (Cosette). He/She always reminds me how miserable I am. Stay single.

Another flower. I have told you I have two left flowers

I don't know this one, just seemed good plant grows in my yard...

I hope I could name this photo. But instead I thought a good name, I focused on the flag. 

Well.. appreciate life! We never know what ahead of us. Be good!

Rabu, 31 Mei 2017

Grass Lover XDDD (call my name)

I hope I can be grasshopper sometimes. But I always feel itchy next to it.

Dendrobium (orchids)

common parasite (don't call it parachutes)

Moringa oleifera (Kelor leaves)

Dendrobium (Orchids)


Papaya flowers (including flower buds)

Wall of bricks


the other bricks wall

Still log felling on the ground

I just read an ebook this morning, I want to do the same as what the main character did. So I spent my time this morning to take some pictures .. :DDD Well it's not far from forestry and I still don't know what each plant names... XDD

Senin, 17 April 2017

Settled Down. No plan

16 April 2017
17:19 p.m
GMT +7

Hi! This is my first post in 2017. It sounds weird of course why I left you these last months. I think I need to be calm. And first thing first I should be honor my self. You know, I am being so mean to my self these days. Maybe all happens did not match to any of my plan. Everything was going so bad since I did not appreciate my self. I see everyone success and me? You see I am still being unemployment by all I want of this life.

I want to say that, it was so hard when being job seeker. So many torture, voices, pressure came in my free time. I often blame my self just because being so jerk. But yes I cannot change the world just because I always mumble. By so many entries in this blog, this one is the day when I try to break my own wall. I brave to write here is a good thing. Well, as you see I've always been trying to open all opportunities in my life. I want to be rude so rude but the last thing I remember I tried, this would be just a hidden emotion inside and I did not blow it up.

Do you think I enjoy being useless like this? No. I want to tell you that all I can remember I've been staying in my room. Ok, by the all happens what I did like I try to drive again, and now stop, like possibilities I could cook cakes again. I am just remembering how hard to keep my own money when I always waste my money.

One reason why I am still being unemployment and it is hard to me to get a job. I am not sure to my self. Like I feel all my abilities had gone from me. You know I try to remember all languages that I know but sometimes it is hard. Like I know my self is in low level as forester. I did not mean to blame my self who lack of knowledge in forestry. But I know how far I've been going to forestry journey.

I have one reasonable thing why I write on you this time. It would be sound pity if I told you I still struggle on my sickness this time. I still try to be a super hero when I could not help my self. And so on when I was in difficult situation. 

17 April 2017
7:25 a.m
GMT +7

Okay, I am doing my own meditation by writing on you. I don't want to know whether everyone sees me as a good person or not. I don't want to know what everyone thinks of me. Hmmm... just this time I feel I am lost. My condition is not so good this time. I am not physically sick. But I know I see my self reflection in other people. Let's we arrange our happen these last time. I should be grateful that I have successfully passed my degree. I should be feeling happy by my own achievement. As everyone knows, great power comes great responsibility. That's what happen to me. 

I believe that everyone has their own story. They have struggled a lot for their achievements. and I believe that if I am giving up this time, it would be wasting all effort that I've been doing so far. I am not a person who give up on something. There must be a way to prove everyone that I can. I just don't see the way right now.

You know, I am suffer. I am suffer because I fight.

 I post an entry right know because I want to express my disappointment for my life. I am disappointed because I haven't got all I wanted. For the sake of God Father, I have no idea why I thought of this blog yesterday.

I mean to turn off this blog. I don't want everyone sees my self history. Like I had been crazy person, I struggled a lot to be a person. At least to be someone. I see there were many upside and downside of life I just can't control it. 

Last night I watched Beauty and The Beast. According to the story it is impossible to love a person who was not good in appearance. I always see person first time from their appearances. I mean from their looks. I just could not trust to good person who lack of their looks. But why I always surrounded by so many good people who lack of their looks. I just don't believe if look is a matter for this case. Sometimes it is. But I thought to consider a person is not by their looks.

Why I told you that? Haaha.. I love the part when the beast lifted up in death condition and turns to lively handsome prince. It doesn't make sense. I consider person by their look. I read quora which told there were many people who were not handsome a.k.a ugly but success. I see my self once again, like I believe that my position right now is in the beast. I want to tell you a story that it is not everyone loves me as I am. I see my self reflection at least 6 years ago, I fought for my weigh. There were 70 kilograms shadow of my body. But there was no one who keep off the curse, I turned to be slim person but fool. I said fool because until right now I don't see my self success. I just see myself admiring people who success, and they ignore me. Don't you laugh at my story?


Appearance is not a best thing in this time. As long as people have money, they will be handsome at a time. Bella was a good girl who sees person is not by their appearance. But who am I? I am not Bella. I told to people, so many people, I tried to convince them that I have never ever had a relationship. They just don't believe. Hmmm.. I don't actually know what they thought of. How could Bella believe of her heart? I don't know. You see meme comic told me that people would not see your appearance as long as you have a castle. I see my self reflection in Bella. I am a woman whether I don't know what Bella's ages. I consider for the age also. Well... I told you a terrific story, that many men in my life had now been married to other women. By that fact of life, I could not see my self as successful person again. Hhahahahahahah... I just don't see I have struggle upon everyone to get them.

Bella did not consider Gaston indeed. Okay, I admitted I had willing to watch this movie because my cousin always updated in joox of Beauty and The Beast song. I hate it of course because I did circle to my cousin purpose I could see his updated status. But why did  he always update unimportant thing? Or it was just me who updated my selfie till he bored at me? Or he feels like beast? It doesn't make sense of course. I see him as a little not handsome but success person. You just see what I thought of him of course. 

By those facts, I turned to two or three prior-ed paragraphs. I have an assumption that everyone just don't see me from appearance, but also my money. I don't have money right  now. It is not as much as I had before I became poor. I don't see a relation here. 

Well, I need this essay finish. I don't want everyone judged me like the one interviewer did to me. He told me as "if it is secret why did you tell us?".  Maybe I am not telling you, of course I don't need to tell you. I just need to make myself better. This is just one of ways I could feel happy. I want to share at least to this blog my story, or even my secret. I don't need everyone knows me. I want to share what inside my heart and my mind is. You don't like, you are free. So,  am I.

For Bonus, I want to upload here my graduation photo. I could decrease my disappointment of life because I don't see my self success..

Just don't think anything!